After taking on the presidential role (as literally anyone can now) in the “Positions” video, Ariana Grande has seen fit to experiment with a new profession–that of a would-be Dr. Frankenstein. Or Dr. Fuckenstein, if you’d prefer. In “34+35,” while it’s never really clear what she and her team are trying to do with the Tin Man meets Joan of Arc-esque robot that is an exact replica of Ari herself, one can imagine its sole purpose is to be, well, a sex machine. Or “love machine,” to use a more 60s turn of phrase, which is clearly the decade vibe Grande is going for here, right down to the polka dot backdrops, Bump-It hair and eyeliner style. In case she didn’t know, her one-time collaborator, Lana Del Rey, already sort of got that down to a science around 2012 in the “National Anthem” video.
But Ari has never been averse to pulling from the pastiche of common tropes in pop culture. The problem here is that the mixed allusions (a hodgepodge of garden variety B-movies of the 60s, Frankenstein and Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery) don’t meld together quite so seamlessly as they did in her other recent movie ripoff offering, the “thank u, next” video–which is saying something, because it was just as random of a concept, interweaving scenes from not one but four different movies. Yet at least the references were all grouped together with more thematic cohesion. Here, it’s precisely what Cher Horowitz would call “a big old mess” with its Monet tendencies. Scratch the surface of what’s beneath, and you’ll find nothing other than a thinly veiled excuse for Grande to dress like a pinup doll. And there’s no need for attempts at faux elaborate approaches if that’s all she wants to do.
What’s more, “WAP”-inspired lyrics like, “You drink it just like water/You say it tastes just like candy” don’t exactly “lubricate” with these tame visuals. The most “salacious” it gets is Grande entangled with her dancers in an orgy-like pose on the white platform of the polka dot-shadowed room. One lyric that does make sense within the context of this video is: “Watchin’ movies but we ain’t seen a thing tonight.” Maybe that would explain why certain key scenes seem to be missing, for all Ariana could stay “alert” for during Austin Powers (before her attentions were drawn elsewhere) were the bright, shiny moments of pinkness provided by the fembots. Who are basically a 90s version of Stepford wives but with machine gun “jubblies.” It seems especially odd that Ariana would choose this moment in pop culture to dredge up when it’s decidedly not in keeping with the strides made in feminism since 1997, when Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery first came out.
The over the top stereotype in men’s eyes about how all women are seductresses who either just want to fuck or destroy any male in their path (that is, if they’re not a virginal and mild-mannered “lady” with housewife potential) has never been a good look, but especially not after everything that has happened in the past four years since the Orange One’s presidency began. During which time, women and their rights have been debased in a way not seen since, well, before Betty Friedan. The less we can dig up objectifying images of women to make them “fresh” again, the better. But that wouldn’t fit into Grande’s “cheeky” play on the idea of the 69 position relating to the 60s and, therefore, evidently, Austin Powers.
In many ways, Kate Nash as Britannica in GLOW was actually doing a better version of this sendup of a female scientist looking to create a real live male fuck toy with her chemist’s skills. It was filled with more satire than Ariana turning into a fembot for the sake of “irony” after trying to create a robot of her own. If anything, it only serves to reiterate that a powerful woman will always be punished–reduced to being a “little ninny”–for her accomplishments.
“Work so fuckin’ much I need a twinny twin twin,” Grande once sang. Now she has a few matching “twins” in the form of her fellow fembots–bamboozled by the very (masculinely dressed) one she was trying to create herself. And as she dances brainlessly upon being zapped into her new form, she finds a moment to emulate the Dr. Evil “pinky to lip” gesture, as though we should be endlessly impressed with her attention to detail regarding subpar commercial movies (which also happened when she re-created a scene from The Waterboy during quarantine).
Incidentally, Grande has never been a “video queen,” with arguably her most innovative and memorable one being 2018’s “God Is A Woman.” Which is a strange “mathematical equation” when you think about it, for her music should easily add up to visuals that are just as iconic. Instead, she seems content to steal from middling pop culture (pretentious as it is, at least Lady Gaga ripped off her latest from something more obscure to the average person) and keep things as basic as possible. Something Britney Spears used to do as well, yet somehow managed to make those videos a worthy addition to the pop culture oeuvre, as well as rife for the potential of the now cancelled interactive experience that was In the Zone. An erstwhile massive K-Mart that will likely never be used in the future to re-create Ariana videos such as this one.
