Not that it wasn’t something that Selena Gomez pulled recently in terms of a “plot twist” for her 2017 “Bad Liar” video, but Ariana Grande makes “big lesbian crushes” (as Janis Ian would say) chic anew in the video for her latest single from thank u, next, “Break Up With Your Girlfriend, I’m Bored.” While the natural assumption when taking into account Grande’s persona would be to surmise it’s just another heteronormative bop, Grande paints a pop noirish visual portrait of a girl (sometimes her blonde self, sometimes her ponytailed brunette self) allured by a couple in a nightclub and subsequently taken back to their sequestered home in the Hills for a party.
With the presumed male object of affection played by Charles Melton of Riverdale fame, it would seem obvious that Grande is singing, “Took one fuckin’ look at your face/Now I wanna know how you taste” about him, but no, as we find out through the not so subtle hints of longing looks and lingering touches, Grande actually seems more into Melton’s girlfriend, an almost exact replica of herself—like looking into a mirror that you can actually caress and have sex with.
Because ultimately, that’s what Grande is pointing out with the narrative of this video: that we have a tendency to gravitate toward people who have a similar aesthetic to ourselves (which is why one will all too often have to decide whether a couple is brother or sister or an actual couple, e.g. Brad and Gwyneth or Brad and anyone else he’s ever dated). Why? Well, narcissism, of course, darling. Masturbation can only go so far in terms of satisfying one’s latent need to fuck herself. So, by Ari’s logic, why not pull an Ilana in the Broad City episode “Coat Check” and go for the girl instead of the guy? It’s more accurate in terms of re-creating what it would actually be like for a woman to have sex with herself (in the end, men already have sex with themselves anyway, that’s usually how removed they are from the metaphysical nature of the experience).
Standing alone on a balcony overlooking the city or flipping her hair while seated in a state of ennui near the pool as she feels herself both literally and figuratively, it becomes apparent throughout the video that the one body Ari is truly riveted by is her own. But again, since humans can’t asexually bang like amoebae, she’s got to settle for the next best thing. And that damn sure ain’t a man (god is a woman, after all). Hopefully, she doesn’t get accused of appropriating lesbianism, too, when it’s pretty overt this is some Psych 101 shit.
