In a series called Mondo Bullshittio, let’s talk about some of the most glaring hypocrisies and faux pas in pop culture… and all that it affects.
While it’s clear just how easy it is to impress people nowadays by putting on even the slightest amount of “ritz,” one couldn’t help but be slightly surprised by the overly enthusiastic reaction to Miley Cyrus covering Blondie’s “Heart of Glass.” Released in January of 1979 as a single from their quintessential ‘78 album, Parallel Lines, Blondie–and the ethereal blonde the band was named in honor of, Debbie Harry–was launched into the mainstream as they had never been accustomed outside of their New York-specific fame. Forty-one years on and Miley enters the picture with her recent fetish for adopting the aesthetic (complete with femullet) and sound of 70s and early 80s “rocker chicks” (to use the marketed phrase) à la Stevie Nicks, Joan Jett and Pat Benatar.
Although it might have been the assumption that she had gotten her fill of “homage” (a.k.a. full-tilt ripoff in the vein of Lady G with “911”) after the video for “Midnight Sky,” Cyrus once again wanted to show her pop culture knowledge (instead of innovation) with a performance of “Heart of Glass” at the iHeartRadio Music Festival. No stranger to an audienceless existence at this point (most eerily illustrated by yet another cover she recently did of The Beatles’ “Help!”), Cyrus wanted to bring as much glamor as possible by sporting a black bodysuit with a number of sheer panels that gave Britney at the 2000 VMAs a near run for her money in terms of “nudity.”
Taking the stage while dripping in diamonds and glitter eye makeup, Cyrus had all the same confidence of Mick Jagger in his early days as she swaggered toward the microphone. Yet this big dick energy was immediately negated when she started caterwauling in her signature twangy lilt. No matter how you spin it, this doesn’t work for the mercurial, cooing nature of the song that Debbie Harry elevated to an iconic hit. And, speaking of good old Deb, while not necessarily “high praise,” the goddess of new wave was kind enough to make a mention of the cover by tweeting, “Once Miley Cyrus covered ‘Heart of Glass’ and it was divine,” followed by a link to listen to the song. Even if it’s a gesture of mere “politeness,” it certainly doesn’t help that Harry should further sanction the overblown reaction to the purported “goodness” of this cover.
And it’s not to say that all of Cyrus’ covers are not ideal as a result of her voice being better lent to her own style and oeuvre. She has done some decent re-creations, including Lana Del Rey’s “Summertime Sadness” and Billie Eilish’s “My Future.” While on the subject of Eilish, it bears noting that she is one of the few “pop stars” who has yet to so overtly “borrow” from the pantheon of the past. Things reach an apex of intolerability when Cyrus starts chanting, “Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.” In fact, this is the precise monosyllabic word to describe the entire affair. Yet there’s still no end to the bastardization in the form of constant squalling as she rounds out the song with the series of “oooohs” and “ohs” required. Strangely, it was another less remarked upon cover of yore that went more unnoticed during her rash of live performances last month that was much better executed by Cyrus, as well as fitting in more seamlessly with her current trashtastic 80s brand: “Maneater” by Hall & Oates.
Performed on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, Cyrus donned a shimmering red dress that fell just above her own vagina dentata as she sang warningly of an approaching succubus. Sporting a matching purse on her arm as the smoke machine made the stage look like a fog was closing in with as much determination as the maneater in question (herself), praise for Cyrus’ rendition here might have been warranted. But no, instead all the undeserved focus has somehow been funneled toward “Heart of Glass,” especially now that it’s an “official” release. Billed as “the post-summer, pre-fall anthem we deserve,” perhaps that description isn’t off when considering that humanity is reaping all the shittaytayness it has long sown.
