After the rampant rumors about Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux’s imminent separation and eventual divorce were confirmed roughly a month ago on February 15th, the usual and expected fan and internet furor about the “kismet” “irony” of Brad Pitt and Aniston both being single now provided a deluge of ephemeral hope for those few who still believe in love. For everything on the internet is ephemeral, including hope–and this article (and hopefully all those tabloids painting Jen as the sad, tragic spinster). But I digress. The point is, apart from the pitiable nature of the masses obsessing over a celebrity’s love life instead of their own barren one, this myth of a love that lasts forever–that if two people are meant to be with one another, they can always find their way back to each other again–has got to be shattered.
But so long as Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston remain single, the last of the romantic public can continue to delude themselves into believing that there’s a chance they might reunite, ergo proving that true love triumphs over all obstacles and impulse adoptions. And that brings us to Pitt’s very egregious and embarrassing slight toward Aniston, who probably would have stayed with him forever if he hadn’t gone and cocked it all up by trying to make the most of a shitty remake called Mr. and Mrs. Smith by deciding to at least get a wet dick out of it. But the common people can forgive anything if it means a happy ending can come out of a tragedy (a.k.a. the expected failings and foibles that make up the day-to-day decision-making processes of men). In point of fact, the most strategic career move Pitt could make right now would be to attempt to woo anew his ex-wife, because Christ knows that the white male exaltation days are over, and he hasn’t exactly done well to opt for his next role being in a Quentin Tarantino movie about Charles Manson called Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. The title, somewhat goading with its fairy tale evocations, sounds more like a biopic of the Pitt-Aniston story than the reimagined tale of a cult leading murderer. Then again, Hollywood has a knack for combining the straightforwardly macabre with the illusion of euphoria, it’s what makes the story of Peg Entwistle so timelessly resonant when it comes to matters of that town.
One of the many pieces of gossip swirling with regard to the reasons behind the breakup of Theroux and Aniston have proffered that Theroux was miffed over the discovery that Aniston had kept in her possession a number of old love notes from Pitt. Oy vey. As if it’s a crime to sustain some semblance of one’s old sentimentality to remind themselves that they weren’t always jaded day old bread. And yet, of course, this has only added to the fuel of the proletariat’s fire (for yes, in this case, Brad and Jen are the love bourgeoisie)–desperately clinging to this intel as reason enough to hold out their long-held anticipation of some type of reconciliation between the once great film star and America’s former sweetheart (it’s difficult to say who gets that classification now–maybe Emma Roberts [sign o’ the times]?).
For never has there been a couple in the public eye to so succinctly represent what it means to the average movie guzzler to possess the potential for the expected third act conclusion of happily ever after–even if he cheated on you and remained in a marriage with Angelina Jolie for far longer. Yes, there’s also Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth as a beacon of shining lovelight to assure the drooling (mostly female) audience that there’s credence to the optimistic fantasy of “love that lasts forever” via getting back together after sowing some oats. But they’re not nearly as classy.
And sadly, even Aniston, in all her once present youthful naïveté was an unshakeable believer in the early stages of her nuptials with Pitt. Case in point, Aniston foolishly told Rolling Stone in a 2001 interview about their then recent wedding, “You know if there’s ever an argument, it’s not like you can go, ‘Screw you, I’m outta here!’ You’re there for the long haul. It’s a beautiful thing to actually realize that for the first time, to have that knowing. [Marriage] takes the heat and the weight out of things.” But alas, it does not. For there is always the get out of “jail” (because that what monogamy signifies to most men) free card of divorce. And the constantly viable option of inserting one’s rail-thin appendage into a non-lawfully wedded hole.
In January 2004, during an interview with Diane Sawyer, Aniston persisted in allowing her heart to bleed publicly by telling the lauded journalist that they both knew they were meant to be on that first date set up by their agents back in 1998, saying, “It was really weird.” And as the news of Brad’s impending affair slithered ever closer, Aniston further engaged in the role of the fool by telling The Guardian in February of ‘04, “It’s time. It’s time. You know, I think you can work with a baby, I think you can work pregnant, I think you can do all of it. So I’m just truly looking forward to slowing down.” No, that wouldn’t be happening either. Instead, Brad was about to spread his seed with another. “True love” be damned.
With the announcement of Pitt’s new found love in 2005, it didn’t take long for him and Angelina to start promoting themselves as a couple, with a now illustrious Steven Klein-photographed domestically themed spread in the July issue of W Magazine. Aniston responded to the insensitivity of the shoot two months later in Vanity Fair, politely calling Brad a sociopathic narcissist by remarking, “Brad is not mean-spirited; he would never intentionally try to rub something in my face. In hindsight, I can see him going, ‘Oh—I can see that that was inconsiderate.’ But I know Brad. Brad would say, ‘That’s art!’ There’s a sensitivity chip that’s missing.” Only Aniston could so tactfully and compassionately throw shade.
It would take her three more years to take her “meanness” up a notch by telling Vogue in 2008 regarding the media attention Jolie gave to the affair, “There was stuff printed [in Vogue] that was definitely from a time when I was unaware that it was happening. I felt those details were a little inappropriate to discuss. That stuff about how she couldn’t wait to get to work every day? That was really uncool.”
Almost as uncool as the multitudes praying to God or whoever that Aniston would even remotely be inclined to take Pitt back after he so horrendously pissed on their entire time together. Then again, from a karmic standpoint, at least Jolie was the one who had to endure all of Brad’s worst traits and habits (the drinking, the verbal abuse, etc.) for longer. It’s the very reason why, when news broke of the Brangelina dissolution, the New York Post chose to feature an image of Jennifer Aniston laughing with the caption “Brangelina 2004-2016” above it. The devoted obsession seeking for Aniston to at last get her retribution has now, however, bled into the desire for her rapprochement with Brad.
Because that would fortify a fledgling certainty in true love conquering all–which has so frequently served as a euphemism for a woman being expected to forgive a man for all his wrongdoings primarily because, well, he’s really sorry and, plus, she’s older now, and there’s not much else cooking in her rotisserie of penis options. Fuck. That. If anything, the coinciding of Brad and Jen’s singledom should be source of inspiration, not sadness, to us all. Aniston, once very much the “girlfriend” girl has seemed to change with the times, settling into what many women might soon find quite normal: sologamy. And as for Brad, well, there’s always another ingenue.
