“Bongos”: The Bombastic Reunion of Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion

After just over three years of letting the dust settle on their wet ass pussies, Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion have decided that the world is ready again to see them join (oh so powerful) forces. Enter the still sexual innuendo-laden (and just plain sexual) “Bongos.” Which picks up the tempo from “WAP” thanks to production from We Good, Breyan Isaac and DJ SwanQo, all of whom assist Cardi B in putting trap-rap, tropical influences (of both the Afro and Latin variety) and electro-hop into a blender and coming up with something that can best be described as “Thug Carmen Miranda” (which lives up to its implications far more than one of Lana Del Rey’s early nicknames: “Gangster Nancy Sinatra”). 

To help cultivate that sound and image, Megan Thee Stallion, who Cardi B has officially described as her “work wife,” layers her own verses into the mix. Something Cardi B realized needed to happen after deeming the single “like a long ass song” (at a mere two minutes and fifty-five seconds; in other words: this is your perception of time on TikTok). Too long for “just” her verses alone. So it was that Cardi invited Megan to team up with her once more. And the result isn’t just a track that gets in your head perhaps even more than “WAP,” but also a video that greatly upstages it. That’s likely because the duo opted to replace Colin Tilley with Tanu Muino (who has also worked with Cardi on the video for Normani’s “Wild Side”) for the sumptuous, “resort-chic” visuals that pop out as much for their colors as the rampant booty-shaking. To match the chaotic rhythm of whoever’s chanting “bong-bong-bong-bong” (this being a parallel to the sample from Frank Ski’s “Whores in This House” in “WAP”), the video seems determined to be equally as frenetic. 

In order to create that effect, Muino plays with sharp cuts and plenty of alternating angles to capture different vantage points of the over-the-top choreography set against a “tropical” (a.k.a. Malibu) backdrop. Considering Muino just directed the far more muted and staid “Attention” video for Doja Cat, “Bongos” must have felt like a feast for the eyes in comparison as Muino amplifies the color palettes (as she also did in the video for Elton John and Britney Spears’ “Hold Me Closer”) with her unique directorial prowess. This also materializes when one of the scenes cuts to Cardi in a new Magic Eye-inspired room wearing an ensemble that matches the background. In truth, it seems to be a slight homage to the scenes in the “WAP” video when Cardi and Megan appear in their own separate animal-print rooms to writhe around and deliver their verses with a leopard and white tiger respectively overseeing them. 

Meanwhile, Cardi has found plenty of (non sequitur) opportunities for product placement by this time, already plugging Minute Maid Aguas Frescas and Smart Sweets Peach Rings to prove that, “Bitch, I look like money/You could print my face on a dollar.” After all, it’s as the internet says, “You’re not ugly, you’re just poor.” And lining up plenty of endorsement deals to stack more piles of cash is certain to help Cardi continue to cultivate “real hot girl shit” (to borrow Megan Thee Stallion’s catchphrase, which needless to say, is tossed around in the song). Surrounding herself with the same peacocking ilk in the video that Vibe has rightly called a “risqué Fanta commercial” (not to mention how it gives Miley Cyrus some competition on offering “endless summer vacation” motifs), the women in vibrant, multi-toned bathing suits parade themselves against an oceanic setting. Though, sadly, at no point does any image of a plum or nun appear to complement the lyrical gold that is, “Eat this ass like a plum/This pussy tight like a nun.”

Repeating “beat it up” (another nod to Cardi inisiting, “Beat it up, nigga/Catch a charge” in “WAP”) during the refrain as the words “​​bong-bong-bong-bong” keep swelling in the background, Cardi’s sassy bravado is matched by Megan coming in on her verse to rap, “This ass sit like the stallion/All these wannabes my lil’ ponies/These hoes camped out in the comments/Always talkin’ like they know me/Thick bitches in the black truck, packed in/Eat whoever in my way, Ms. Pacman/Hermès, made a real big purchase/Purse so big, had to treat it like a person.”

She keeps going after that, but it’s mostly about the usual flexes: having a fat ass and a lot of money. Indeed, what would any rap song be without some reinforcement of capitalism’s many glories? Thus, the reason why Cardi derides, “At least I’m gettin’ my money/Y’all hoes broke, pussy took more turns than a keyhole.” This after asserting, “I ain’t scared to admit I’m a freak ho” in honor of similar “WAP” language that goes, “Certified freak/Seven days a week.” With Thee Stallion also noting in their first collab together, “Your honor, I’m a freak bitch.” So yes, it’s comforting to know that, even after the passing of a few years, their freakdom appears to be going even stronger. Complete with their usual enjoyment of engaging in lascivious poses with one another to tease the notion of lesbianism that all cliche men (non-binary or otherwise) still get off on. 

As the scenes start to escalate in their nonsensicality—presumably, for the sake of serving haute couture against decadent backdrops (as evident in a “Remember the Time”-esque moment Cardi and Megan have in an “Egyptian-themed” room together)—it starts to add up, cost-wise. Which is why viewers can take Cardi at her word when she says she spent two million dollars to produce it (still chump change compared to what Michael Jackson spent on “Remember the Time”). With many of those expenses spent on the security required to keep a lid on the collaboration (“‘…we hired about twenty guards, fifteen guards just guarding the whole area,’ she said. Cardi also explained they deployed geofencing which issues an alert when a mobile device enters a mapped, pre-established location. They also used special in-ears to avoid having to play the music out loud while Cardi, Megan and their crew of dancers filmed the scenes that incorporated choreography”). 

Although the duo might have been able to keep the filming of their second single together a secret had they shot outside of the U.S., apparently hurricane season (now 24/7) made them “settle” for Malibu instead. But if it was good enough for Britney Spears’ “Sometimes” video, then surely it ought to be good enough for them. And, from the vibrant looks of it, it clearly is. Maybe even eye-catching enough to make people forget all about “WAP” (for a while anyway).