A Few Things Women Can Learn From Steff in Pretty in Pink

James Spader’s fantastically misogynistic rendering of Steff in John Hughes’ Pretty in Pink may have some women wondering what they could possibly learn from him, but, in fact, there are a great many things to be gleaned not just from his personal style, but also his approach to daily life. When applied to men, these practices would merely come across as assholish. But in the employ of women, it simply makes one look like a bad bitch.

Wear shoes without socks: Whether this means heels or loafers for you, just fucking do it if you want to look like a thug.

Toss your cigarette in deliberately rude places: Why just put your cigarette on the ground when you could leave it in someone’s place of business?

Tell your friends that they should take a shower because they look like shit: If you don’t tell them, who else will?

Wear linen suits: Like the mullet, a linen suit connotes both a business-oriented attitude and playfulness.

Ask people if they want ribs at the parties you throw: It makes you seem simultaneously rich and accessible.

Lust after poor people, but never actually act on it: Having a secret and unfulfilled “hard-on for trash” allows you to be more sexually frustrated, and therefore better in bed.

Inform people that they ought to see a doctor about that condition of theirs before it gets worse: Putting people on the defensive by alarming them about their health is the best way to get them to shut the fuck up.

By using these simple life tools from Steff, even the meekest of women can seem slightly more intimidating, and even, dare I say, sexier.