The Louvre is arguably even more of a corporate slut than The Met at this point. Welcoming everything into its doors once Jean-Luc Godard set the best precedent in Bande à part, only to cause everyone else’s so-called art to pale in comparison to that illustrious running scene wherein Odile (Anna Karina), Franz (Sami Frey) and Arthur (Claude Brasseur) beat out the American record for “seeing” the museum in nine minutes, forty-five seconds. So yes, we expect them (the powers that be at the Louvre) to allow anyone who will pay them the price access to the most treasured works of art in history. Just as they did for the “Apeshit” video, now further infecting the museum with a tour inspired by the art featured in it.
The Colosseum, however, isn’t so inviting. For one thing, it’s run by Italians, notoriously ineffectual and decidedly the innovators of no fucks given. Not even if you’re…oh my god…Beyoncé. A woman apparently determined to infiltrate every major European cultural landmark for the purposes of who knows what? Just to show that she can? That seems to be what she’s doing as reports of her recent request to book the Colosseum indicate that she was rebuffed by the culture ministry, citing that it was too short of notice (they’re not the Louvre for fuck’s sake, they can’t just accommodate every rich person at the drop of a hat). Not because they’re opposed to celebrity infiltration that would be in direct contrast to the Louvre, but because someone else already blocked out the time slot she wanted. Who could possibly thwart “Queen” Bey, you ask? An actual Italian (albeit, twist!, one born in Paris): Alberto Angela. A famed paleontologist (though no one can ever beat Ross Geller) and popularizer of science, who overtook the same dates that Jay-Z and Beyoncé–July 7th and 8th–wanted while in town for their On the Run II Tour. This is what the Italians might call a segno di dio. In other words, please don’t interpret this rejection as an excuse to get all Rudy and persist with your cause, whatever it may be. Not every shrine to human progress needs to be soiled with modern pop culture.
What’s more, there’s no possible way Beyoncé is ever going to top the Pepsi commercial of 2004 that found her as one of the backup singers to Britney Spears (P!NK being the other). While yes, they tried to make the camera time as equitable as possible, everyone knew at that moment in pop culture history that Britney was the ringleader, a Circus reference for you gayer types–plus she already had quite a few Pepsi commercials under her belt at that point (that people loved so much it was dredged up again for the Super Bowl earlier this year).
And even that Pepsi commercial didn’t so egregiously assume control over unfettered access to the Colosseum, instead relying entirely on CGI to re-create both the venue and a raucous crowd of 50,000 people. Would it be so goddamn much to ask for Beyoncé to do the same again? It’s not as though we need to feign that any of us live in a tactile world any longer. But then, it would be such a blow to both member of the couple’s ego not to be able to slide right in to one of the greatest beacons of “white space” symbols in all the globe. Which could very well be why Italians aren’t having it. Yet.
