After so much buildup, a band as lusted after by K-pop and regular pop fans alike as Blackpink perhaps felt the best way to live up to the pressure of continuing to “dazzle” was to not offer too much opportunity for failure by keeping the number of tracks on their debut, Blackpink: The Album, to as much of a minimum as possible. Unfortunately, this isn’t the 1980s, and it’s more difficult to get away with offering up a paltry eight tracks for a record and trying to call it an LP instead of an EP (the way Madonna did with her self-titled record, Like A Virgin and True Blue).
But since it’s Blackpink and they can do pretty much whatever they want (as Billy Idol noted of the difference between first class passengers and coach passengers in The Wedding Singer), they’ve decided that not only is eight tracks perfectly sufficient to deliver on all the hype surrounding their long-awaited English debut, but that wielding two singles from earlier this year as part of that album is perfectly fair. So it is that the record commences with the hauteur-filled “How You Like That,” which gave us a glimpse of what we thought their overall sound might be for Blackpink: The Album earlier this year.
This was later negated by the not so sweet in its (st)icky uncomfortableness “Ice Cream” (co-produced by Victoria Monét, who seems to have spent all of her creative energy on Ari’s thank u, next) featuring Selena Gomez, the video for which was rife with “requisite” Lolita implications. As the quartet–Jisoo, Jennie, Rosé and Lisa–combines each of their signature vocals on it, the melange does little to make the elixir of saccharine and sexual go down with anything like a spoonful of sugar.
Essentially a musical reboot of “How You Like That,” “Pretty Savage” continues the arrogance relishment with lyrics that include, “Born skinny, bitch, even if I gain weight, I’m dry/Slow at calculation, but fast at sense/I don’t want to talk about popularity, my mouth would only hurt.” Oh dear, wonder what else your mouth often “hurts” as a result of (#blowjoblockjaw). The perfect person to join in on the “I’m the greatest” party is, of course, Miss WAP herself. So it is that we have “Bet You Wanna” featuring Cardi B. This collab reverts to an “Ice Cream” lilt, with the group seeming to have only two modes: “‘innocent’ but sexy” or “unapologetic bitch.” Cardi’s rap itself is little to write home about (e.g. “Take the car keys, drive me crazy/Cardi a good catch but you gotta chase me/Grab my waistline, but don’t ever waste me”), for perhaps she feels she’s already done enough for the country by coming up with the lyrics, “Put this pussy right in your face/Swipe your nose like a credit card/Hop on top, I wanna ride/I do a kegel while it’s inside/Spit in my mouth, look in my eyes/This pussy is wet, come take a dive.” On a side note, for some reason a track like “Bet You Wanna” required seven producers, Cardi B included.
On “Lovesick Girls,” Blackpink reveals, arguably, their most layered side as they dissect being “lovesick” yet simultaneously “born to be alone.” So it is that they must ask themselves, “Why we still looking for love?” Likely because there’s nothing else to do on this planet when you’ve already got your financial fortune made. Elsewhere giving a nod to Beyoncé (perhaps to assure us all that they’re American as apple pie), the quartet sings, “To the left, better left alone/Didn’t wanna be a princess, I’m priceless/A prince not even on my list/Love is a drug [isn’t that sort of Kesha’s line?] that I quit/No doctor could help when I’m lovesick.”
Continuing the upbeat tempo is “Crazy Over You” (possibly phrased as such so as not to use “Crazy For You”), a Selena Gomez-imitating track that details how being “lovesick” can also translate into being “crazy.” Jennie and Lisa articulate the whirlwind of such emotions with, “Feels wrong but it’s right, right/Blacked out, no night light/Pinked out like Fight Night/Maxed out of my mind and the price right/Might buy, might bite.” Or both.
Doing their best imitation of Imogen Heap at the opening of “Love To Hate Me,” Blackpink reverts to their “unapologetic bitch” mode for the penultimate song. Sprinkling in a bit of early 00s hip hop girl group flavor (think Blaque), they accuse, “Negative days, negative nights/Baby, you’re wasting all your time/I can’t relate, I keep it light/No, no, no drama in my life/Wake up, yeah, make up, maybe I need you?/Nah, I been good lately.” Their refusal to cater to anyone who prefers to channel more hate than love in a relationship is, of course, likely helped by the confidence and clout that comes with filling one’s money bag to the brim.
Then again, “You Never Know”–as the final song is called–when fame and fortune might be ripped from a person (as Donald Trump can attest), therefore one supposes Blackpink is putting out an album while the iron is still hot, even if it’s one as dichotomously petite and largely lackluster as this one. However, as “You Never Know”–the “ballad” that most unearths any sort of genuine vocal talent despite being what you’d expect to hear playing over the speaker at an empty sushi restaurant–states, “I’ve heard enough, I’ve heard enough/Of the things that I’m not.” That is to say, a group that puts out half-assed records. Ironically, it’s right when “You Never Know” ends that you feel the momentum of the album is finally starting to hit its stride.
Alas, we’ll never know what might have been in terms of being able to gauge a more complete scope of work. And all seemingly because no one appeared to give Blackpink the memo that if you want to break America, it’s all about quantity, not quality.
