With the unfortunate casting of Kristen Stewart as Princess Diana in Pablo Larraín’s forthcoming biopic, Spencer, all we can count on now for a more realistic rendering of the “People’s Princess” is Emma Corrin (an actress with little to her credit except Pennyworth) in the imminent fourth season of The Crown. When last we left the House of Windsor in season three, it was the 1970s, and Princess Margaret was the primary source of dishonor for the Queen. Season four, of course, will move on to the Thatcher-dominated 1980s, with Gillian Anderson playing the well-hated “Maggie.” Yet one major event that occurred in the 80s (specifically 1989) that won’t be covered in the new season is the infamous Tampongate conversation between Camilla Parker Bowles (Emerald Fennell) and Prince Charles (Josh O’Connor).
After the British press bugged the “love nest” of Camilla and Charles (because the British press will sink to just about any depths to get a story), the recording was leaked in 1992, with the most embarrassing soundbite being as follows:
Charles: Oh god. I’ll just live inside your trousers or something. It would be much easier!
Camilla: (laughs) What are you going to turn into, a pair of knickers? (both laugh) Oh, you’re going to come back as a pair of knickers.
Charles: Or, God forbid, a Tampax. Just my luck!
Camilla: You are a complete idiot! (laughs) Oh, what a wonderful idea!
Charles: My luck to be chucked down a lavatory and go on and on forever swirling round on the top, never going down.
Camilla: Oh darling!
Charles: Until the next one comes through.
Camilla: Oh, perhaps you could just come back as a box.
Charles: What sort of box?
Camilla: A box of Tampax, so you could just keep going.
Charles: That’s true.
Camilla: Repeating yourself… Oh, darling, oh I just want you now.
Camilla certainly had that idiot part correct, as Charles not only should have never said that over the phone knowing the British tabloids’ thirst for acquiring intel, but also might have come up with a less effete “romantic” metaphor. For it completely plays into the “namby-pamby” stereotype that had befallen him since he was a child. Yet the “harder” Prince Philip tried to make him, it seemed the softer Charles became. So soft, in fact, that he could slide right into a vagina as a tampon (and it wouldn’t look nearly as glamorous as that scene in Pedro Almodavar’s Talk to Her).
While the “incident” might seem garden variety among the other international scandals that would continue to arise throughout the 1990s–from Lorena Bobbitt to O.J. Simpson to Bill Clinton–its timing for release was particularly crucial to the downfall of the House of Windsor even remotely attempting to sustain an air of dignity (which Princess Margaret had dented more than her fair share of times as well prior to the decade in question). This was precisely why Queen Elizabeth (Olivia Colman) dubbed 1992 her annus horribilis. Charles and Camilla’s tampon fantasy further dismantling any notions the British public might have had about the so-called prestige and respectability of The Crown. Least of all the man slated to step up as king after his mother’s death (of course, as we all know, Elizabeth decided long ago to live forever after seeing that Charles didn’t have the gravitas for the role).
To make matters worse, recordings of Diana and James Gilbey were leaked soon after the tampon fiasco, called Squidgygate thanks to that being the nickname Gilbey referred to her as (causing both Charles and Diana to lose public sympathy with the maudlinness of their illicit conversations). That each taped conversation took place in 1989 also feels relevant to placement in the upcoming season of The Crown. For that would be the year that not only capped the end of a faux civil era of marriage between Charles and Diana, but would additionally set the tone for the emotional landmines between them of the 90s.
And yet, what’s the real reason this key moment in royal history is being erased? Because Josh O’Connor has turned out to take his role as Prince Charles way too seriously in terms of bitching out–refusing to include it so as not to ruffle the feathers of his parents. O’Connor openly admitted, “When they offered me the role, one of my first questions was—I say questions, I think it was pretty much a statement—‘We are not doing the tampon phone call.’” So there you have it, a central moment flushed down the toilet along with Prince Charles-incarnated Tampax. And yet, something tells one this is just how the House of Windsor prefers it.
