In a series called Mondo Bullshittio, let’s talk about some of the most glaring hypocrisies in pop culture… and all that it affects.
As many celebrities have taken to going live on Instagram or generally acting like chicken with head cut off-level fools as they help conjure the Eat the Rich uprising that feels somehow inevitable, Cardi B proved no exception when she put on a shit performance of acting “genuinely affected” by the pandemic (a video clip since resuscitated again by ringleader of many celebrity cabals, Guy Oseary). At least in terms of how it’s fucked her over on basic bourgeois day-to-day activities like eating in expensive restaurants (because every restaurant is expensive in New York). Thus, while showcasing her somehow still acrylic’d nails and strategically coiffed hair was it that she “complained” (in the style of a Razzie Award-winning actress), “Like I shouldn’t be eating cereal. Like I should be in a restaurant eating sushi. I’m so tired. Like why are we going through this? I don’t understand it.” Awww, you don’t? Did the big bad Chinese bat fuck up your entire existence the way it has literally everyone else’s? To a far more severe extent than not being able to dine in a restaurant. Oh my god, we feel so bad for you.
Alas, Cardi is just a scapegoat for the larger sentiment at hand percolating in New York City (the hotbed where said native wretch is holed up in “agony”), where people not so secretly feel it is their God-given right to see and be seen. Otherwise, what’s the point of living in NYC (spoiler alert: there isn’t one)? The fact that “Phase One” reopenings are suddenly likely expected to include, yes Cardi, restaurants, movie theaters, places of worship and, for some especially fucked up reason, gyms (showcasing the political power of gays, if you will) means that soon, Cardi and other selfish, stupid twits like her will have their wishes granted. At the likely cost of helping to “spread that seed” of corona all over town. Again. Or rather, continuously, for it hasn’t really stopped no matter how rosily Andrew Cuomo tries to paint the portrait of “plateauing.” Darling, this shit is never going to really plateau without a vaccine.
But hey, isn’t a premature reopening of everything worth it if you can put up new photos and videos of yourself at more “exotic” locations (even though the only exotic thing about New York is its wildlife of super rats–both vermin and human)? Surely, it must be. For this would utterly justify the faux lamenting of Cardi as she stands on the soapbox of injustice for being forced to eat cereal instead of a more decadent meal prepared for her by someone else. Maybe she should have even complained to Bernie Sanders about this affront during their latest round of cockamamie talks (in which she hush hushly tells Bernie, “I think we’re gonna enter, like, a recession”–wow, super insightful!). Not that she allowed him to get too much of a word in between his sudden pandering to Joe “Sexual Harasser” Biden.
In any case, Cardi’s attitude not just as a celebrity but someone who claims to know the travails of growing up in poverty ought to understand that bitching about wanting sushi isn’t helpful, nor is it setting a good example for others champing at the bit to get outside. The ones who live in projects, tenements, Christ, just “normal” apartments that aren’t penthouses only celebrities and other rich ilk can afford. Furthermore, how the fuck does anyone have the gall to complain about their situation when there are virtually millions in countries like India, Colombia, Kenya, Ecuador and Peru suffering actual legitimate starvation? The likes of which are being spurred to an even more dire and long-term level by coronavirus’ lockdown effects.
Her so-called distress, whether semi-parody or not, shouldn’t be held up as a “relatable” beacon of humorous light on other people’s feed. Because, pointedly, if you have a feed to wield in a social media capacity at least your pig ass is probably being fed with food as well. Who gives a shit if it’s cereal? “Suffer,” you pathetic git of an emblem for what is wrong with America and its naive sense of entitlement to “nothing but the best.”
