The conspiracy theories that have abounded in the wake of Donald Trump’s COVID-19 diagnosis have been plentiful. And among the most absurd, of course, is that it’s all part of some grand plan he has to “save the world.” Yet the one that hasn’t really been explored and is probably the most likely is that Trump has been the subject of a Dave plot. As in the 1993 movie directed by Ivan Reitman in which the president has a stroke while engaging in one of his extramarital affairs (because yes, this was the Clinton era). What’s more, it seems all too tailored that the tagline of the movie is, “In a country where anybody can become President, anybody just did.”
In the wake of the shocking development, rather than informing the public that the president is unfit (and unconscious) to serve, the Chief of Staff, Bob Alexander (Frank Langella), instead presents the “solution” to hire a very believable impersonator named Dave Kovic (Kevin Kline, a go-to leading man of the 90s).
Dave is, conveniently, a man who figures why not likely because it’s better than running a temp agency (remember when those were viable?). So he agrees to play along, not aware that he’s being wielded as a pawn until Act Two. As for the current Chief of Staff’s machinations, well, one imagines that while Mark Meadows could have far more nefarious plans in mind, he doesn’t actually seem to have a mind to think of them. Not so for Bob, who has it all planned out to get an in the dark Dave on his side long enough to convince him that Vice President Gary Nance (Ben Kingsley) is part of a major financial embezzlement scandal, and is generally not to be trusted. Obviously, this is part of Bob’s own agenda to ascend to the presidency by getting Dave to force Gary to resign, and then consent to go away quietly himself when “President Mitchell” has what, to the public, appears to be his “first” serious stroke.
The suspiciousness of Trump “surmounting” his case of coronavirus, too, smacks of the old “minor circulatory problem of the head” excuse wielded in Dave (naturally, in Trump’s case, his circulatory problem of the head is major). With the version of the public devoted to Trump willing to believe just about anything with regard to his “superhuman” strength, it’s only natural they would be willing to glom onto the Trump as superhero (as opposed to villain) narrative. As though he was “anointed” by God Himself to spare America from any further subjection to the whims of “the blacks,” “homos” and women.
Thus, it’s not difficult to spin any yarn whatsoever to the sect that is unshakeable in their faith with regard to the philosophy of what MAGA entails (a return to the whitewashed 1950s when no one had to think about gender or color that wasn’t male and white, and if they did it was “You’re a communist!” for their ass). To tell them that, yes, Trump bounced back immediately, and that orange tub of lard you’re seeing up on the podium is not at all a body double (paraded in the style of what Saddam Hussein used to do to throw people off the scent of his “real” self). No, of course not. Trump is fit as a fiddle and it all proves the propaganda he’s been shilling for the past few months: coronavirus is no big deal.
With Mike Pence as the “Nance” (sounds a lot like “nancy” in this scenario) of this 2020 version of Dave, it seems that the fly that landed upon his head during the debate with Kamala Harris serves as the desired shaming by the puppet string-pulling Chief of Staff–though again, Meadows isn’t capable of much in the way of pulling anything except his own dick. What’s more, the Ellen Mitchell (Sigourney Weaver) of the outfit–Melania–isn’t likely to fall in love with this body double any more than she did (not) with the bona fide Orange One. But perhaps she could if the body was slightly improved and the brain made totally vegetative (as opposed to semi).
But even so, there is something about all this that most definitely smacks of a Dave switcheroo (even if it was to render Trump completely animatronic). Now if only this Trump impersonator currently staining the walls with his “tan” would start acting less like the real one and deviate more from the expected behavior the same way Dave did from Mitchell’s. Not that it would make a difference at this rate. The fire burning across the country both literally and figuratively may never be able to get extinguished, even if Joe B and Kamala H take the wheel. There’s nowhere to drive when a car is already off a cliff.
