There is the fantasy of a man. The kind primarily dreamed of by a fallen woman who still holds, underneath it all, loose dreams of being rescued from herself, from her existence. The very breed represented by Miss Mona (Dolly Parton) in The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. As the madam of the most successful business enterprise in all the land, Mona can have her pick of any man seeking a little fantasy of his own: the acrobatic minx in bed. You know, the sort who will actually spend money on lingerie, and from Frederick’s of Hollywood no less.
But the only man she wants is the sheriff, Ed Earl Dodd (Burt Reynolds)–even if he is just “an overgrown kid playin’ at being a man.” Because of the positions of power that each one holds in their own respective ways, both have difficulty admitting that emotions have become involved in their dynamic. Miss Mona, as that rare breed of optimistic realist, knows better than to let herself get overly attached, Ed with a more wifely girl in town by the name of Dulcie Mae (Lois Nettleton). Still, she can’t help but allow herself to believe that maybe Ed will turn out to be the white knight in her life when the best little whorehouse in Texas comes under the scrutiny of the state’s self-appointed “watchdog,” Melvin P. Thorpe (Dom DeLuise). As he takes every measure to mercilessly expose the centuries-long illegal operation through the lens of his TV show, an institution of the state, referred to as “the Chicken Ranch,” that has been enjoyed by every level of government official for every “celebration” is suddenly treated like an infernal den of sin despite having been formerly relished by all (save maybe the frumpy wives of the region). Ah, it’s all so predictable when moral hypocrisy rears its ugly head, isn’t it?
As Melvin gets everyone to get on board with his crafting of outrage, the tension between Ed and Miss Mona intensifies, and not in a sexual way. With Miss Mona expecting that everything will blow (job) over so long as Ed takes care of it like he always does, she is vexed to discover that his power can only go so far. This is one battle in the war against the “righteous” majority that can’t be won. Hence, he insists that she shut the place down for a couple of months until Melvin grows bored of probing. She promises, but the only problem is, she failed to remember that the following evening is the big game between the Texas Longhorns and the A&M Aggies, promising the winning team a very special “prize” for their efforts at the Chicken Run. Not wanting to go against tradition, Miss Mona decides to proceed with business as usual just this once before shutting down. Predictably, it also happens to be the night that Melvin chooses to show up with his camera crew.
In the aftermath, Ed and Miss Mona lose sight of their loving feelings for one another in favor of letting their bickering get the better of them, with Miss Mona declaring, “And all of your big dreams of goin’ to the legislature. They’re just dreams, cos you ain’t never gonna be no more than you are right now. A chickenshit sheriff in a chickenshit town.” He coldly returns, “You may be right. It’s a hell of a lot better than bein’ a whore.” It is, of course, the only time in their history that he has ever called her that, and so maybe Ed is just like every other Petty Betty guy after all–quick to give the low and easy coup de grâce when his “manhood” feels threatened enough.
But no, Ed redeems himself (like Jesus or something, since the obvious analogy between him and Mary Magdalene is made at one point as Ed and Miss Mona are out on a date together). By persisting in going against the “moral majority” in the name of Miss Mona’s honor, which he firmly believes in, she being such an upstanding citizen in every way except her chosen profession. Yet try as Ed might to fight for her by personally making a trip to the governor’s office to plead with him, it isn’t something the governor can accommodate, to “go against the popular vote.” So it is that he denies Ed his earnest plea for the whorehouse as he waxes, “I been fightin’ crime all my life, but let’s not confuse crime with sin. You can’t legislate morality. Those girls have never caused any trouble. They’re healthy, taxpayin’, law-abidin’ citizens who supply a demand and provide an economic asset to the community.” No, you certainly won’t find such an evolved man as Ed in real life to be so practical about the nature of prostitution, to tout it as an economic necessity for the sake and defense of his own lady’s well-being and livelihood. Instead, you will find a man who enjoys all the benefits of a whore without ever treating her as a human being, preferring to compartmentalize her as “the sex source” as opposed to anything equatable to flesh and blood–well, maybe to flesh (and even Ed must compartmentalize by “keeping” the more “virginal” a.k.a. uglier Dulcie Mae as the woman he’s comfortable parading around).
A man like Ed Earl is just a fantasy though. For there is no “prince” who will say fuck it to all public opinion and make a hooker his bride. Then again, maybe if a man was sung “I Will Always Love You” as sweetly to as Dolly Parton can deliver it, he would be able to overlook all of her transgressions as well. Alas, not all of us can be bestowed the useful gift of melliflousness to make rigid men with less rigid boners forgive us. Miss Mona and Circe-style.
