While we like to tell ourselves that it’s the age of woman, it’s, more than anything, simply the age of woman finally announcing, in no uncertain terms of rage, all the shit she’s had to put up with and refuses to endure again. Still, feminism = fun! for most fashion designers, even those at the haute couture level. And even if they’re not willing to admit that the final product was very obviously going to end up looking like vulva. Just in time for the homage we unwittingly pay our vaginas in letting them go au naturel during the winter, hence the fox fur flourish as the trim, Fendi is pleading the fifth on the labia-like folds of a $990 sweater that has caused more shock and outrage than sartorial delight (again, a latent sign of misogyny in a world that lives in constant fear of vagina).
That Karl Lagerfeld, that squirrelly huckster, remains the creative director behind fur and ready to wear output should, however, lend some belief that maybe the end result was something of surprise–because has Karl ever even allowed himself the “horrible” endurement of having to see a vag in the flesh? One tends to think no. He’s a gold star gay to be sure. And not only does the shawl look like a particularly frilly labia, but also like it could easily double as a sweater, so that’s how it’s going to be referred heretofore.
In between the mocking comments about how, “it get really real” when you flip the image of the sweater over, some have stated that anyone brave enough to don the now pulled from the website item would risk more than just the dangers of high fashion (being doused in red paint by PETA, namely), but also the risk of walking around with the appearance of being born at all times. So that’s one way to achieve the fountain of youth aesthetic seemingly required to model anything by Fendi. And also that endless quest everyone latently has to crawl back inside the womb because it fucking blows out here in the world.
Considering that Fendi has always been bold and bombastic, and Karl has never been one to shy from controversy, it seems somewhat odd that the couturier should be so self-scandalized. Fashion is, and always should be, after all, a source of sparking conversation. Even if it means taking the risk of withstanding a bit of tongue-wagging (which is, incidentally, much easier to withstand when it takes place in the same area the sweater resembles, if you catch one’s meaning). So it is something of a shame that Fendi–nay, Karl–did not stick with their original commitment to the design. What’s the harm in parading around the only natural thing still left in the world? While Karl is not a Lana Del Rey fan (blazing the trail for making fun of the way she looks long before Azealia Banks did), it would be prudent to put this sweater back in business by renaming it the Born to Die. Or, better yet, in reverence to Madonna, the Die Another Day sweater. Just anything but the Born This Way sweater.
In any case, this is something that renowned “Sweater Girl” Lana Turner would never be caught wearing. Not because of its “scurrilousness” but because it simply wouldn’t be form-fitting enough for a woman of Turner’s bust-hugging preferences. But for the titless with nothing to showcase, it’s a wonderful thing to sport the vagina on your chest. Then again, the shawl is something that men really ought to consider investing in since they’re often so unwilling to pay premium for pussy when it’s ephemeral. But this, this could last practically a lifetime (oh wait, that’s the antithesis of what they want in a vagina).
