It only took three years since the first episode of Jack Dishel’s :DRYVRS for Macaulay Culkin to once more reboot another sendup of his most famous character, Kevin McCallister, for the purposes of showing us all just how irrelevant the plot of Home Alone would be in the context of modern technology (which, yes, so many other movies have, but Home Alone and Home Alone 2: Lost in New York remain key players on the list).
All too willing to play into his old rapscallion ways, Macaulay as Kevin (though all we can see is Macaulay) opens the door to his “room” a.k.a. the attic–and calls out, “Mom? Dad?” Because apparently he still lives in his parents’ house after all these decades. As a quintessential white male millennial sucking off his progenitors’ more flush financial udders, he seems to be unaware of what he should be doing with his time as a decadent diva, turning to Google for advice by asking, “Hey Google, what’s on my calendar today?” The naturally female voice (thanks to “misandry” in “technology“) responds, “You have one event called, ‘House to yourself.'” Getting hard over his OS’ vocal chords like Joaquin Phoenix in Her in addition to having the joint to himself, Kevin proceeds to go about all the same tasks he did as a youth.
In the bathroom, he pats his face (though this time does not bow to the scream) and tells Google, “Add after shave to my shopping list.” Jumping on the bed of Buzz’ old room–has even Buzz managed to move on from the parental nest?–Kevin demands, “Hey Google, remind me to clean these sheets later,” a request further belittled once he cries out in pain as a nod to his bad back from the wears and tears of old age (something Brad Pitt knows all about).
Ostensibly tired out from his “busy” day, Kevin takes the opportunity to go into binge mode and watch his old favorite, Angels With Filthy Souls. So enraptured by the narrative he’s seen a million times, Kevin appears to forget he’s prepaid for his pizza when he asks, “What do I owe you?” from his remote perch. The delivery guy reminds him, “Looks like you paid online.” Kevin, in rote huckster form, plays the “Keep the change, ya filthy animal” dialogue. Reacting as though Kevin might be mildly retarded (maybe you can still say that when acknowledging Home Alone took place in the 90s), he replies, “Okay…cool.”
Kevin’s day of lounging and loafing continues into the night as he prepares his next gross meal (a demonstration of just how much sense it makes that Americans are fat as fuck) of mac and cheese with milk served in a wine glass. While at the tree, he instructs, “Hey Google, turn down the temperature two degrees.” So it is that Kevin does not have to be afraid to go down into the basement and deal with the monster-looking furnace. There is no need, in fact, for anyone to have fears of any kind when Google Assistant makes you this complacent. This not in need of strategizing or scheming anything for yourself. At least not in an “old-fashioned” way that might actually expand your dendrites.
“Hey Google, begin Operation Kevin,” he concludes while sitting at the table with the abovementioned heart attack in front of him. Google then cues up the cardboard cutouts to “dance” to Brenda Lee’s “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” while perched atop Roombas just as it happened in the original movie (minus that Roomba part, obviously). This is enough to scare off someone mimicking Joe Pesci’s (because he’s too analog to actually engage in any of this) voice saying, “Better get outta here before somebody sees us.”
The ominous tag line at the end–“Make Google do it”–serves to further iterate that there are no obstacles for any of us to overcome anymore, least of all any of our former or future movie heroes.
