It hasn’t taken many people long to notice an unfortunate comparison between how Pamela Anderson’s two sons treat their mother versus Britney Spears’ (with Spears herself even making the connection)—poisoned against their matriarch from an early age, thanks to spending most of their time with Kevin “Meat Pole” Federline. That Anderson’s body was and is the source of giving so many men (and women) orgasms around the world might make less evolved blokes related to her uncomfortable, and yet, it was her oldest son, Brandon Lee, who was determined to make a documentary that would “set the record straight” about his mother while candidly telling the story of their family, to boot. Called Pamela, A Love Story, the movie is co-produced by Lee and directed by Ryan White, with the former also appearing in it to weigh in on his upbringing and the perception surrounding his mother. Not to mention his younger brother, Dylan “Dilly” Lee, who is slightly more reserved in his discussions, but nonetheless supportive.
The comparisons made to how Anderson and Spears were grossly (mal)treated by the media and the public at large also became a point of interest in the wake of the documentary’s release (and, let’s be real, it was far better than anything Framing Britney Spears could hope to achieve—if for no other reason than the subject was actually a willing participant). Not that it should come as any surprise that people (read: men) like to denigrate attractive blonde women for their viewing pleasure. And, speaking of viewing pleasure, the infamous Pam and Tommy sex tape is of course commented on in Pamela, A Love Story, with Anderson stating that, at this juncture, she’s made peace with the violation—even though it felt like another rape. Just as the release of an entire series (Pam & Tommy) about it did. But, as it’s been made evident over and over again, Anderson holds no grudges against anyone. Much to Brandon’s dismay…
For it was on the red carpet during the premiere of the movie that Brandon was asked, “Do you feel this sense of responsibility to make sure, especially as a son—we’re protective of our moms—to make sure that she gets her due? And why is that so important to you?” He replied, “Well, I think it’s important for a lot of reasons, but you know, when I go back and I even look at, you know, past deals or residual checks that come in, I mean, people would be shocked to find out how people really took advantage of her, and took advantage of a young girl making a bad deal on a big show, and she was the biggest star in the world at the time and I think a lot of people made a lot of money off that and I think, you know, everybody’s gonna have to have their day where, you know, we come knockin’ and I—no, you know, I think so because, you know, for instance, when she makes, I don’t know, four thousand dollars a year off Baywatch, that’s a crime.” The ardency with which he says this is in direct opposition to the blasé attitude of Spears’ own little terrors, who easily turned against her when she was finally home free—literally. Released from the conservatorship and granted the ability to live how she wanted.
This included many nude photos and videos that spoke psychologically to her newfound sense of freedom. Photos and videos that her sons were “embarrassed” by. And if that’s that case, Brandon and Dylan have far more to be “embarrassed” about. But they’re not. They’re accepting and embracing of their mother’s talent (and it is a talent to be able to strip and pose the way Anderson does, not to mention her comedic brilliance in the shows and movies she’s appeared in). Perhaps because they’re “older” (twenty-six and twenty-five, respectively), they have a better understanding of their mother’s “lifestyle.” But no, that’s not really it. The fact is, they were raised by Anderson, nurtured by her. And it was obvious that she consistently put them above everything else; her first priority was always aimed at being a good mother. That might not necessarily come in the cookie-cutter package the more conservative-minded would like to see, but Anderson’s love was undeniably there throughout their childhood.
Indeed, Anderson was committed and protective enough of her sons to refuse tolerating Tommy Lee’s physical violence in early 1998, after he struck her while she was holding Dylan, then just several weeks old (born on December 29, 1997, the “incident” occurred in February of 1998). Of his domestic abuse charge, he said in an interview, “Tommy comes third now, instead of first. I don’t know how to deal with that.” Get the fuck outta here with that narcissistic bullshit of an excuse. And while other women might have given Lee a “second chance” after that—even Pamela, had she not just become a mother—she decided to bounce (Baywatch-style). For the Mama Bear instinct took hold and she realized it was time to leave, not wanting to stick around and find out if he might be capable of such effrontery again.
And no, she didn’t hold a grudge against Lee either. As Brandon confirmed at the aforementioned premiere, “She doesn’t hold a grudge against anybody… and that’s wonderful, but I would love to see her get what’s right.” This in reference to her being fucked over on royalties for Baywatch… and the sex tape, for that matter. Which she never received a penny for. Yet from Dylan’s perspective, it’s what really proved her purity, her true commitment to motherhood over the “benefits” of fame as he noted in the documentary, “I think it would’ve been a different story if she did cash in on the tape. It just shows you, right? That thing guaranteed made people millions of dollars and she was like, ‘No.’ She one hundred percent cared about her family being okay and me being okay. Never cared about money.” Yet, as Brandon stated, “If it’s your work and it’s your face and it’s your image, you deserve something.” The same could be said for Spears, whose image was effectively pimped out by her own family for over a decade. Luckily, Spears, in contrast to Anderson, knows how to hold a grudge. And definitely should—even if it’s against her own spawns, Jayden and Sean. The ones who finally prompted her to lash out at their grotesque comportment (including berating her for her “behavior” on Instagram) with the sarcastically-tinged statement, “I understand your need to live with your father as I had to play the perfect role for fifteen years for absolutely nothing.”
This referring to how everything she did—going along with the conservatorship and playing the part of the “good girl” by not trying more “rambunctiously” to break out of it—was so her father wouldn’t take visiting access to her kids away from her. Visiting access that Federline ultimately posted about when he put up secretly-taped videos filmed by Jayden and Sean that showed Spears yelling at them. A.k.a. instructing them to wear lotion and put shoes on in public (yes, that’s rich coming from Spears, queen of walking barefoot at the gas station).
Before the fallout was further cemented by such increasing betrayals that revealed her sons had been firmly brainwashed by Team Federline/Team Conservatorship, Spears had once posted a quote on her illustrious Instagram account that went, “There is nothing stronger than the love between a mother and son.” A little cringe-y and Oedipal, but hey, her heart was in the right place. And maybe that strength will never truly break Brit’s bond with the sons she stayed quiet for throughout the hellish ordeal of her imprisonment. The fierceness of the maternal instinct is, after all, difficult to sever. And yet, it’s more than slightly demeaning when a woman, who loves her children with such ferocity, is accused of and painted as being a bad mother.
A scene in Pamela, A Love Story speaks to this issue when archival footage is shown of Anderson getting pepper sprayed outside of an L.A. club as a paparazzo tries to shame her with the question, “Where is your baby? Where is your baby?” “With my mother,” she hisses back. “You fuckin’ asshole!” This idea that a woman can’t “have her cake and eat it too” by going out and having fun because she’s a mother is deeply embedded in the warped thinking of our patriarchal society. Spears was similarly lambasted for her partying “antics” in the 00s (well-documented thanks to the field day that tabloids had with portraying her as an unfit mother), still young and eager to sow some wild oats despite having already birthed two children. Yet, because of this, she was expected to stay home, fold her hands and sit quietly while Federline got the male perk of going out freely without any judgment.
At a certain moment in Pamela, A Love Story, Brandon remarks of his mother, “She’s never worried about if she’s okay. She always made sure everyone else is okay.” The same was true of Spears, even after she was so egregiously betrayed by everybody in her family—sons included. The ones who so blatantly show no support for her and all she’s been through (they couldn’t even be bothered to make an appearance at her wedding to Sam Asghari). Regardless of the disloyalty, it’s unlikely that she’s capable of ever genuinely turning her back on Jayden and Sean. Enduring the trauma of watching them grow further and further apart from her has prompted such statements on her Instagram as, “I’ve cried oceans for my boys and I’m not lying!!!!” In addition to her declaration of their lack of affinity with her, “There’s being rude then there’s being HATEFUL. They would visit me, walk in the door, go straight to their room and lock the door!!! The MONITOR would tell me that he just likes to be in his room. I’m like why come visit me if they don’t even visit me !!!” On the plus side, after ceasing to “pretend” they actually cared enough to come visit, Spears clapped back, “It’s been kinda nice not having to ask about which day the boys are coming this week and making me wait two or three days for a reply!!!”
What’s more, in one of the above-referenced videos posted by Federline, Spears is shown announcing to her sons, “You all need to start treating me like a woman with worth. I am a woman, okay? Be nice to me. Do you understand?” But, clearly, they don’t. So perhaps they could use some instruction from Pamela Anderson’s sons (who, uncannily enough, also have a similar not-so-far-apart age difference like Jayden and Sean) on how to do that.
