Maybe whoever started the trend was merely a bored fan of [insert pop star’s name here], and it wasn’t intended as some grand statement about just how delusional celebrities can be about their “fans” giving that much of a shit about them (and we all know celebs, in turn, don’t really give a shit about anyone besides themselves and their carefully curated blended family). Yet, as the fake videos of quarantined Italians and their now world-famous balcony parties persisted, it became fairly evident that singers like Madonna and Katy Perry were blithely unaware of the fact that the ones featuring people belting out their tunes in perfect English were, indeed, just another internet hoax (perhaps Rihanna knew better than to believe it because, really, what’s the likelihood of any Italian singing “Bitch Better Have My Money”?–no matter how “international” her fashion haus has made her).
So unaware, indeed, that the aforementioned two had the gumption to re-post the videos on their own social media with ludicrously phony baloney messages of “hope.” For Perry, who really thought the Italians were singing “Roar,” her auto-erotic ego stroking (under the guise of offering a “loving” declaration) consisted of the missive: “You cannot break the human spirit. We are one in this,” followed by a heart emoji and a–wait for it–Hungarian flag emoji. Because all foreign fans are only nebulously classifiable to American celebrities. And British ones, for that matter, for even Cheryl Cole, formerly Cheryl Tweedy (immortalized in the Lily Allen song of the same name), the British pop star that got her start in Girls Aloud, was fooled into believing the Italians were singing “Fight For This Love” in unison one night before realizing she was bamboozled and admitting, “Babe!… they got me (Sweet Brown voice). Still a beautiful sentiment all the same.” At least that was more than Madonna could acknowledge after putting up a video of “I Rise” with the caption, “Let Us All RISE UP. everywhere around the world!! 🌎 🌍 #irise. 🇮🇹”
Mercifully, she wielded the correct flag emoji. Then again, it would add a new layer of offensiveness if frequently “proud” Italian-American Lady Madonna pulled a Katy Perry on that front. To that end, where are all these “Italian-Americans” when you need them to reach into their pocket and offer a little financial relief? Gaga? Grande? Anyone? Oh wait, suddenly being “Italian” doesn’t seem as glamorous when you’re watching the ghetto DJ sets of balcony dance parties that offer the only source of communication and camaraderie with one’s fellow human being.
Yet white ladies will still use it for the purposes of promoting their music. And, in their minds, their so-called humanitarianism. Conversely, Nicki Minaj was not buying it when a clip surfaced using the footage from the original Siena-based singing video that started this whole “trend” (or at least highlighted it) featuring dwellers chanting the lyrics to “Chun-Li.”
And whoever continued the phenomenon of putting pop and rap songs over these original videos of Italians singing/DJing more on-brand fare (like Miranda’s “Vamos A La Playa”) has unwittingly opened a documentable case study regarding just how blacked out celebrities are to reality. Which goes hand in hand with having an oversized ego. In the meantime, where’s the video of Italians “singing” “…Baby One More Time”?–specifically the part where Britney belts, “My loneliness is killing me,” for this is perhaps the ultimate quarantine-empathetic lyric to a culture that has always been powered by tactility and tangible togetherness. Of course, Britney might just put the video up with a caption, “So cute. Thanks y’all! We’re in this together !!!”
But it’s awfully easy for famous people to say such things when their quote unquote quarantine situation is not a ramshackle, but a multi-thousand square foot palace with a fully equipped gym, pool and surround sound movie theater complete with “old-timey” concession stand. And even, for the more learned (like Madonna), a “Belle room” a.k.a. a library. A milieu the Italians would surely prefer being confined to, as opposed to their apartments (and balconies) right now.
In any case, can all celebrities generally shut the fuck up about coronavirus unless they 1) have it or 2) want to give money to people directly during this period without the tax shelter of a “charitable organization”?
