There is, to be sure, a difference between staying in touch with your “inner child” and all the sense of youthful wonder that comes with it versus, say, trying to play the Lolita-esque coquette past “a certain age.” And yet, when you are a female celebrity, acknowledging the loss of youth must either 1) never be done or 2) done “whole hog” (like Maggie Smith or something). Someone like Jennifer Lopez, however, prefers to remain “forever young.” A fact that has been commented on many times in the years since she turned fifty, and has somehow stayed looking no older than in her thirties. Complete with a body that most twenty-somethings couldn’t possibly compete with. And that’s great, truly. J. Lo is a wonderful inspiration for proving that money (and not being Caucasian) is the key to eternal youth.
That said, Lopez evidently still harbors the same insecurities as any mere mortal woman by choosing to essentially infantilize herself by way of using the word “adulting” at the age of fifty-two (soon going on fifty-three in July). Listed, of late, as one of the words that everyone wishes millennials would retire (including, rightly so, “doggo”), J. Lo hardly has the excuse of being of that generation to back her motives up for using it. She is instead of the Gen X stock, a generation that is supposed to be above such self-degradation. Or rather, Gen X preferred more overt self-flagellation in the form of songs like Beck’s “Loser.” Ah, but little did that generational spokesperson know, the real losers would not truly turn up until now, in all their refusal to “adult” glory. Complete with use of TikTok to be among the “real youths” in order that they might prove their stubbornness about surrendering to “old age” (which, as usual, seems to extend to anyone over twenty-five in our society).
Like most celebrities, Lopez is one of many non-Gen Zers “enjoying” use of the app. In this case, by way of repurposing a viral TikTok video that starts with the question, “What was something that everybody hyped up for you that wasn’t really worth it in your opinion?” J. Lo “replies” by mouthing the words, “Adulting. It’s trash. Would not recommend. Half of a star. Adulthood is the worst hood I’ve ever lived in.” And while the words may not be her own, the fact that she feels so comfortable perpetuating use of the term “adulting” is a testament to just how much women—grown-ass, successful women—want to downplay and demean themselves in order to stoop to the level of this patriarchal culture.
Even the fact that Lopez felt obliged to sit on her couch with an “effortless” updo while saying this is proof that she’s trying way too hard at “relatability,” topped off by captioning the video, “Me patiently waiting for the next season of Ted Lasso #adultingbelike.” Is that what “adulting be like” though? Or has everyone been brainwashed too long by the notion that once-expected tasks of a certain age bracket have only been deemed “herculean” as a result of too many meme-oriented jokes about the difficulty of doing something like washing the dishes or folding laundry—all stemming from, ultimately, the millennial Peter Pan Syndrome that their own parents cultivated for them, and the sadness of leaving youth behind when everything in our society says that’s the only time one is relevant?
No one can know for sure. All that’s really known is that, by powerhouse Gen Xer J. Lo using the term, it has never been clearer that “adulting” needs to be retired. For fuck’s sake, even Madonna—constantly accused of “clinging” to youth at all costs—would never say that word. Mainly because M is of the boomer generation that prided itself on hard work and pulling oneself up by her bootstraps without complaining, at times even relishing the pain of hard work (evidenced by such lyrics as, “If it’s bitter at the start, then it’s sweeter in the end”). Even J. Lo is like that, being a South Bronx-born girl who fought her way to the top. And yet, here she deigns to debase herself with use of this denigrating non-word. A noun arbitrarily turned into a verb.
Naturally, many will deride, “What’s the big deal? She’s just having fun—stop overanalyzing, leave J. Lo alone,” etc. But everything in our culture seeps into the minds of the collective with enough overuse, especially when reiterated by certain celebrities that mildly interested people and intense fans alike put up on a pedestal.
And J. Lo’s blithe utterance of the word merely serves to fortify the notion that women want to be seen as cute little ninnies in the vein of Jessica Simpson parodying being a “bad housewife” on Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica. In a 2017 article for The Washington Post, Jessica Grose also aptly described why “adulting” is such a problematic word as it pertains to how women seem to be the most common offenders of wielding it to seem “cute.” Shutting any such notions of “cuteness” down, Grose wrote, “I hate [the word] because it’s a self-infantilizing rejection of female maturity in a culture that already has almost no love for grown-up women. Deploying ‘adulting’ to describe what’s otherwise known as ‘life’ is a sure way for a woman not to be seen as an adult.”
If even someone as powerful and confident as J. Lo (granted, her relationship history actually doesn’t give off a very strong air of confidence) feels obliged to perpetuate the trope of women as barely functional nitwits beneath it all, what hope does any woman have of breaking the glass ceiling? One reason J. Lo might have subconsciously chosen to “pantomime” this “comedy act” could stem from what Grose added to her overall assessment of why the word is absolutely grotesque in terms of setting back the feminist cause. Namely, “…women are just afraid to be public about their actual achievements because if their public persona is self-assured, they are also perceived to be less likable. Portraying themselves as less competent in their online personas is a hedge against a societal ethos that regularly denigrates mature women and devalues their knowledge, sending the message that youth is the only worthwhile currency a woman has.”
Indeed, J. Lo has been one of many examples of celebrity women fifty and over (see also: Jennifer Aniston, Sandra Bullock, Nicole Kidman) who are determined to prove that, even more than their power, they value the currency of youth. Because youth, let’s face it, is still the ultimate form of power for women. Just out here trying to “adult” so they can keep up with the rest of the “big boys.”
