There is a certain type of Christian, of course. Whether Presbyterian, Methodist, Baptist or, in Rebecca Ann Leeman’s (Denise Richards) case, Lutheran. The kind who will “cite scripture for [her] purpose.” Granted, Shakespeare was writing that in reference to the devil. But no, the truth is, it’s so often Jesus’ worshippers that can be the most nefarious of all.
Naturally, all “devouts” are groomed from an early age, and a child’s behavior is usually learned from their parents, which is why Rebecca wields Jesus in as much of a weaponly fashion as she does the first gun her mother gave her for her thirteenth birthday. It was a 9mm, to be sure. As Becky notes, “I’ll always remember what she wrote in the card: ‘Jesus loves winners.’ That’s why, no matter what I do, I aim to win.” She finishes this sentence with the flourish of directly hitting her mark (the silhouette of a male form) multiple times in the head.
Even Becky’s loss to Tammy Curry (Brooke Elise Bushman) for the role of president of the Lutheran Sisterhood Gun Club doesn’t shake her confidence. And rightly so, for it’s soon after that Tammy dies in a tractor explosion while riding through the field. Undeterred and certain that no one will get in her way because the power of Jesus is on her side, Rebecca is only mildly vexed by her primary competition in the forthcoming Mount Rose American Teen Princess pageant: Amber Atkins (Kirsten Dunst). In another typical “Jesus loves everyone the same but not really” manner that is common to the “pious worshipper,” Rebecca genuinely appears to believe that if God and his so-called spawn had seen fit to make Amber a winner in life, they probably wouldn’t have placed in her such a trailer trash station of existence.
And it’s true, amid a sea of teen movies released during this era, Drop Dead Gorgeous was one of the few to acknowledge the hypocrisy of the American dream and how rigged it is for those already born into wealth to win. Just as the subsequent generations they propagate also will. The “good Christians” who like to say they believe God created all of us equal are obviously lying based on how at odds their behavior is with their words. Yet still, they prop up Jesus (literally, in Rebecca’s case) as their excuse and mea culpa for all self-superior comportment—even though they would deny till kingdom come that they were doing anything untoward.
Like say, insisting their “talent” for the pageant is singing “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You”—that is, to a giant papier-mâché Jesus mounted on the cross. Which Rebecca not only suggestively sings to (among one of the types who would be likely to say, “I’m married to Jesus” with a straight face), but also starts dancing with as though it isn’t in any way macabre. Indeed, while filming the movie, Richards would recall in 2020, “So when I did that scene, the background [actors], a lot of them left during the scene because they were offended I was dancing with Jesus… I don’t know if that would fly now.” It definitely wouldn’t, considering that nothing does. She also added that the extras didn’t read the script to have better context. Even so, Richards was probably giving them too much of a benefit of the doubt in being able to “understand” satire. Which yes, is increasingly difficult to carry off with just about every topic being a hot potato.
Opening her “rendition” of the Frankie Valli hit, Rebecca mocks innocence with her tone as she says in a rehearsed voice, “You know what? The rumors are true. I do have a special fella in my life. And if nobody minds, I’d like to sing a little song…just for him.” The vomit-worthy display that follows is the precise embodiment of the Christian hypocrite that screenwriter Lona Williams wanted to get across in this visual (and throughout the entire movie).
The result is arguably the best demonstration ever rendered to film of why those who constantly tout Jesus as their “love and light”—a.k.a. the most viable excuse to absolve themselves of their cuntery—are among the least Christlike of all. Thus, Drop Dead Gorgeous is actually quite the viable Easter-related offering—you know, if you’re looking to switch it up from Easter Parade or The Passion of the Christ. And, to further elaborate on that aforementioned Shakespeare saying from The Merchant of Venice, Drop Dead Gorgeous reminds us that, “An evil soul producing holy witness/Is like a villain with a smiling cheek,/A goodly apple rotten at the heart./O, what a goodly outside falsehood hath!”
