As Ellie Goulding also recently chose to do on her album cover for Brightest Blue, Kiiara, too, has opted for a decidedly “I’m Lana Del Rey in 2012” look for her debut. One that comes five years after the release of her hit single, “Gold.” Like fellow “K” mononym Kiesza, who also released an album earlier this year, Kiiara was derailed by the meteoric rise of her sudden fame. While she didn’t get into a major car accident, she seemed to hit a wall nonetheless that told her it was time to take pause before pressing play on any other new music that might hem her into a sound that wasn’t really hers.
Considering she’s still only twenty-five, the hiatus seemed to give her time to live out the best years of her twenties doing the things that twenty-somethings are expected to do (back before pandemic life got in the way of such frivolity). Until the dark reality of her mother’s diagnosis with colon cancer and the suicide of her close friend, Chester Bennington, hit all at the same moment. Suddenly, having a good time seemed hollow, as did touring and making music. His drug abuse woke Kiiara to her own teetering dependency at a moment in one’s life when it’s more socially acceptable, therefore less overt in terms of signaling a red flag to people.
Apparently on-trend with a lyrical obsession with unwellness (see: Dua Lipa and Angèle’s “Fever”), the album commences with “so sick” featuring blackbear (also an Ellie Goulding favorite). As any generation after X can empathize with, the content speaks to the panic attack that can ensue from seeing an ex on social media–and the curse of being too “big” a person to unfollow, mute or block. Catchy and repetitive, it possesses the same tricks of the “Gold” formula, and makes a perfect intro to the playful persona of lil kiiwi, whom Kiiara says is now “a side of me that will always be there but is a little more tucked away now. lil kiiwi is who I was early in my career.”
The next song, “Feels” (which still reminds one in title of that Calvin Harris song featuring Pharrell Williams and Katy Perry), has overtones of Halsey’s vibe, which makes sense considering the two came up around the same time. Ethereal and moody, Kiiara is almost like a white female version of Kid Cudi with her drug-addled ambient stylings as she bemoans, “And I got way too many feels/Way too much emotion/I don’t even know what’s real I just say fuck it, keep on going/And I get deeper, I get deeper/Yeah, I feel I’m rolling.” Alas, “Feels” is a bit of a “cheat” song on this record as well, seeing as how it already appeared on the 2016 EP, low kii savage.
Thus, we’re relieved for a return to new material with “Brightside” (still perhaps too soon to title something that because of The Killers’ “Mr. Brightside”–then again, maybe not). With an upbeat yet doleful tempo, Kiiara offers up another Halsey tinge in tone and with a narrative that speaks of cold-hearted revenge as she sings, “But look at the bright side/I know you’re dead inside/I know I gave you the time of your life/Held your heart, then I broke it twice/But look at the bright side/Now you know what it feels like.” Her taunting lilt signals the satisfaction of her vindication before segueing into “Don’t Get Confused.” In keeping with the “fuck you, dickhead” theme of “Brightside,” the song is in the spirit of Lily Allen’s 2006 song, “Knock ‘Em Out,” as Kiiara eye rollingly reminds her would-be suitor, “I wear what I want, but it don’t mean I want you/And you bought me a drink, but I never asked you to/I know you paid, it’s not my fault you’re not laid, so don’t cry/When it gets hard, go home if you’re feelin’ blue.” With its jumping, Sebastian Torees-produced beat, there are moments that echo that 2011-era Kesha sort of irreverence (lest one forget that Kesha once sang plenty about not being interested in men on songs like “Sleazy” and “Dinosaur”).
The chill wave aura returns on “Whippin” featuring Felix Snow. And if it sounds familiar, perhaps it’s because Snow also produced “Gold” A play on the fact that a car is called a whip, Kiiara croons nonchalantly, “Whippin’ in the car with you/Whippin’ in the car with you/Whippin’ in the car with you, you, you.” Elsewhere, Kiiara disappoints Billie Eilish’s “I don’t need a xanny” sensibilities with the lyrics, “Don’t hit me past one ’cause I might come pop a yellow bus/Now I’m goin’ dumb/If it’s past two, I can’t look at you.”
Kiiara seems to regain sobriety with the hit-ready vibes of “I Still Do.” The wistful track finds her questioning something many women do–the ones who have extricated themselves from an unhealthy relationship in one form or another yet are left to wonder, How can I still feel an attachment to someone who treated me badly? It’s that fucking female amygdala, so prone to long-term sentimentality. Produced by hit-making heavyweight Jason Evigan (who has even worked within the upper echelons of pop music via Madonna’s “Ghosttown” from Rebel Heart and “I Rise” from Madame X), the chirpy intonation and rhythm contrasts against Kiiara’s lament, “How did I ever love you?/Tell me how come, how come I still do?” With a single cover that features a morose Kiiara lying on a bed with rumpled sheets and her phone in front of her, we can all relate to the toxic mourning behavior of continuing to troll an ex’s profile. Sometimes a pathetically long time after the breakup in question.
While the song might have been released five years ago, perhaps Kiiara knew better than to keep “Gold” buried for her debut. After all, it was the track that “like, invented” her. And also sent her reeling with insecurity. In this way, Kiiara was right to have anxiety over making new music, as she commented of her headspace at the time, “Wow! Everyone is going to compare every single song I write to ‘Gold’ for my entire career, I may as well put the pen down. I thought about creating music under a different name just to break away from the standard and expectation that ‘Gold’ had created for me. I felt like I couldn’t escape the comparison.”
But songs like “Empty” prove that Kiiara is much more than “Gold.” A melancholy ballad (one of the only ones on lil kiiwi) that starts to pick up after the opening verses, we’re again reminded of Halsey’s sonic style (namely “Without Me”) as Kiiara sings, “Where were you on my darkest day? I/hold my breath so that you can breathe/Used to stand with me, I’m running on empty/Now I gave my sight so that you could see/That I’m running on empty.”
The mercurial motif persists on “Never Let You,” also filled with regret and resentment. While it might come across as another sob story about a guy, this time the culprit behind Kiiara’s bewailing seems to be, underlyingly, “Gold” itself–wondering what her life might have been like had she never recorded the song and found so much success with it. That much is apparent in the lyrics, “Shoulda never picked up that guitar/Shoulda never let him break my heart/Woulda graduated by fall…/’Cause they got my hands tied, didn’t feel right/I don’t have a say, didn’t have a say.”
At least she has more of one in the present, which is clear on the trippy “Numb” featuring DeathbyRomy and PVRIS–a song title that could very well be paying homage to Linkin Park considering her friendship with Bennington. Of course, a The Weeknd-esque trip-out sound is to be expected for a track about power and control, with Kiiara breathily describing, “Now you got me ’cause I’m drained/Try so much, my brain is going numb/More than I can take/Waiting here, I know it’s far from lost/Way too fucked to say/You’re the one controlling both of us.”
Indeed, there are many moments on the record when Kiiara is all too open to showcasing her vulnerability–as is the case with “Accidental.” Kiiara herself remarked that the lyrics are “about me being the absolute fucking worst when this guy showed me nothing but love. He was patient, caring, genuine and liked me for me. He saw me for who I was. He never made me feel like I was too much. He was the perfect man. He could handle my mood swings and when I was with him all of my anxiety went away. He took away all my fears. I wish I would’ve handled my emotions differently. I was just young and overwhelmed by everything going on in my life at the time.” Little does she know, there are so many different ways to fuck things up in love at any age.
The somewhat suggestively titled “Two Thumbs” is sure to make you question if you’re getting a text message as the signature iPhone notification is interwoven into the instrumentals. Speaking to the characteristic that is supposed to separate us from the hairy forebears we evolved from, Kiiara rues that the bloke she’s interested in can’t seem to show enough interest in her to text a bitch back promptly. And, as we all know, that means a genuine lack of consideration when taking into account that everyone is aware people function with their phone as though it’s an attached appendage. So it is that she reminds, “Baby, you got two thumbs and you don’t use ’em to answer me back/And I don’t like that/Make me feel like you don’t like me/Any chance that I get, even a second/Don’t care where I’m at, I hit you right back/Can you be a bit more like me?” Somehow that sounds doubtful, very doubtful.
The finale of the album, “Bad One” speaks to the youthful foible many women tend to have: being attracted to very obvious fuckboys. Or worse still, softboys. While Kiiara might have grown out of this more impetuous phase of her life, the release of this record serves as a reminder of and bookend to it. Kiiara accordingly admitted, “lil kiiwi is about a very specific period in my life when I was experimenting, making mistakes, and figuring out who I was. In some ways, releasing it feels like closure, like I said what I needed to say.” Regardless of age, we’re here for it.
