Madonna Declares the World’s Most Important Profession is Prostitution–And She’s Absolutely Right

Madonna, who continues to effortlessly land magazine covers well after what most assholes would call “the prime of her career,” lends her typical brand of sardonic candor in the latest issue of Interview Magazine. Making confessional statements on everything from drug use to her fear of death, Madonna (interviewed by David Blaine) bears all–tits included (much to some people’s delight and horror).

Photographed by Mert and Marcus, Madonna appears in a series of eerie, experimental poses and situations, one of which includes her sitting in front of a giant cross (harkening back to the “Like A Prayer” video) with a snake hovering over her (perhaps a combination homage to the Bible and Britney Spears’ 2001 VMA performance). Gearing up for the promotion of her forthcoming thirteenth studio album (or fourteenth if you count 1990’s I’m Breathless a.k.a. the Dick Tracy Soundtrack), Madonna is undoubtedly beginning the media blitzkrieg required to please the suits at Live Nation.

Hence, the discussion of topics like her past drug use, to which she asserts, “I mean, I tried everything once, but as soon as I was high, I spent my time drinking tons of water to get it out of my system. I was obsessed with flushing it out of me. I was like, ‘Okay, I’m done now.'” Madonna further stokes the flames of potentially incendiary statements by noting that taking drugs is the easiest way to feel closer to God. She states, “people take drugs to connect to God or to a higher level of consciousness… If you get high, you can do that, which is why a lot of people drop acid or do drugs, because they want to get closer to God.”

But perhaps most inflammatory (no pun intended) of all is her response to Blaine’s query as to what the most important profession in the world is, Madonna responded, “Prostitution, of course.” Knowing M’s breed of humor, it’s likely she meant this on a more metaphorical level, but knowing the public and media’s relationship with her, it will likely be misconstrued as badly as John Lennon’s supposed “The Beatles are bigger than Jesus” comment.

Truth be told, however, Madonna is correct in her answer on both a literal and figurative level. Technically, we’re all whores, selling our services to whoever the highest bidding employer is. And then there are the bona fide prostitutes out in the streets, giving pleasure (and possibly later pain via an STD) to people who need a release. So yes, prostitution is objectively the most important profession in the world.