As Elon Musk “recovers” (as though anything can ever faze him up there on his perch of money–tangible or not) from his latest vexing snafu of announcing on his Twitter, “FREE AMERICA NOW” in reference to the stay-at-home orders enforced in the state he and most other rich “celebrities” enjoy, California, the disgusting affluent person’s perspective with which he had the arrogance to announce something so obviously detrimental to public health has now extended to the naming of his latest child. And no, this is not Musk’s first spawn, though it is Grimes’ a.k.a. Claire Boucher’s a.k.a. c’s. Both are complicit in choosing to name the new antichrist (move over, Saint West) X Æ A-12. Which, hands down, has to be the douchiest name a celebrity couple has ever come up with. So douchy, in fact, it makes one yearn for the days when tabloids were giving Gwyneth Paltrow shit for naming her daughter Apple. Ah, it sounds so simple–so quotidian–now.
But gone are those days, and now we have a child likely to be named in honor of one the many products that Musk manufactures. For Musk always knew he was going to “manufacture”–from his early rich boy days in South Africa (his father owned an emerald mine in Zambia, establishing Musk’s taste for the finer, easily-obtained-when-you’re-white things early on in life). Despite being beat up on occasion for his dweebish ways, he still held it together long enough to ascertain “that America is where great things are possible, more than any other country in the world.” After all, it’s where a man like Donald Trump can buy himself the presidency. And, speaking of the Orange One, Musk makes no qualms about his tacit support of that compatriot in foulness, for he is the very embodiment of what attracted Musk to the U.S. in the first place: using one’s money to forge ahead in any whims. Trump himself has been more bathetic in his expressions toward Musk, calling him a “genius” the same way one of his SpaceX groupies (like Lana Del Rey) might. Comparing him to this era’s Thomas Edison (miraculously, Trump seemed to know who that was, though didn’t seem to fully comprehend Edison is dead).
Maybe that he is. At least in terms of being a huge asshole (anyone familiar with Edison’s crippling patent on the movie camera knows it fucked over many a production company, sending them out West to L.A., where the East Coast courts didn’t have jurisdiction. So yeah, Edison effectively rendered California the Best Coast). Apart from something about Musk’s face catching and holding certain “expressions” that make one think it might have been created out of the reject pile of Michael Jackson’s arsenal of disposal vanilla faces, it is hearing him open his mouth in any form that makes one want to sew his lips shut, Billy Butcherson style. Were he able to go about his so-called business making little rockets for “average” people to ride on by 2040 (already it will be too late, for Earth seems like it’s going to reach a breaking point well before then), it would be a different story. But no, he must prattle on and on, constantly proving that having money does, indeed, make you less intelligent because no one in your retinue of sycophants will ever tell you the truth.
As for Musk’s early fortunes in companies like Zip2 and X.com (which would become PayPal), his constant ousting seemed proof that he was infuriating to work with. That he has no team spirit, just the dictatorial one that goes hand in hand with being a rich boy. So he continued to break out evermore on his own (but at least someone in Russia spat on him when he went to investigate some rocket scrap metal there). Resulting in SpaceX and Tesla, followed by a number of other cracked outedly named enterprises. And, increasingly, a determination to push AI and space travel to the next frontier–which is perhaps why he keeps mentioning getting rid of all his tangible items (though surely he only means it symbolically, for the wealthy have trouble carrying on without their material comforts on Earth–maybe he’ll ditch everything once he leaves).
In the midst of the coronavirus pandemic, not only has Musk proven his callousness in favoring the economy over the cost of human life, but also that rich people don’t actually like to disburse their wealth. With Tesla diminishing the amount on people’s paychecks and laying plenty of workers off, it bears noting that Musk keeps reiterating we should not be condemned to stay locked in our homes. But honestly, what’s the point in going out anyway when there is no money to be made at this juncture? You want people to shake their asses and risk their lives for minimum wage because fat cat corporations are cutting their losses? Well, fuck you. No one needs to take advice from someone who consentingly names their progeny X Æ A-12. Bitch, you ain’t on Mars yet. Save it for your next gaggle of “children” produced from the next designer replica of Talulah Riley (which, you have to admit, Grimes uncannily resembles when both are fashioned with the same dark hair tone and waif-inspired makeup).
Perhaps Musk should let his non-bride do the talking for both of them, for at least she said it best when she announced, “Having a baby is like the dark souls of tamagotchi.” One supposes the name X Æ A-12 derives from that. Or just the sheer bravado that comes with having corporate and government clout.
