In a series called Mondo Bullshittio, let’s talk about some of the most glaring hypocrisies and faux pas in pop culture… and all that it affects.
While “WAP” may have delighted and titillated as a song named in honor of pussy would be expected to, it has to be said that the performance, if truly pared down, amounts to Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion “flopping around.” Relying entirely on screens and a giant bed for the song that ended up being too scandalous for Fate to ever allow being played in a club, therefore effectively shutting them all down until this song is forgotten.
Certainly, all modern performances rely on a heavy amount of screen backdrops to tie into the performance itself, yet “WAP” was not only eviscerated by the heavy censorship of the lyrical content, but also the epileptic seizure-inducing graphics distracting the entire time from seeing any dance moves Cardi or Megan might actually be capable of. When they did link up (literally) on the giant bed (trying to outdo Madonna’s “Like A Virgin” performance from the Blond Ambition Tour, evidently), their bumbling attempt at something like scissoring looked more awkward than impressive. Of course, to any salivating male boomers actually watching the song as it was broadcast, it likely didn’t matter.
Except that, yes, it does matter. When a performance that leans heavily on the crutch of “bells and whistles” is billed as some kind of tour de force, it lowers the bar in the long run. Because, in fact, it is the most stripped down renditions of songs that usually give insight into how talented a musician actually is. In this sense, Megan Thee Stallion’s intro performance of “Savage Remix” (with an opening recitation of “Body-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody”) was just the right amount of “flair” with its (19)20s stylings that allowed Megan to glam it up while letting her choreography do most of the talking.
However, once Cardi B came into focus (in a method that the James Bond franchise could likely sue for), the tone of the performance shifted entirely to one that was dependent upon our simulation approach of the present (and future). Cardi B, knowing the continued value of the pole position, what with her start in performing being at a strip club, presented us with a giant stripper heel. The platform part of the shoe’s encasement-like style even allowed enough room for a dancer inside of it. This in and of itself actually would have been enough for the set design. The giant bed, too, could have stayed in the mix as well.
But ultimately, all of the camera’s focus was on the backdrops of Mack trucks, legs, bills with Cardi B and Megan on them, etc. The slowly cascading money falling from the ceiling would also have been enough “razzle dazzle” to keep the crowd wowed. Alas, Cardi and Megan seem to have little faith in a generation prescribed with ADHD meds from an early age, thus seeking the heavy support of their precious screens.
At the same time, without the screens in question, most people would be looking a bit too closely at Cardi and Megan’s moves–particularly the former’s, which were often uncertain, and both showed plenty of inexpertness during their “scissoring” close-up. What’s more, for someone who was once a stripper, Cardi ought to know that people are willing to focus on the body and music as opposed to any distractions that might be offered along with it.
The bastardization was felt at all levels, from the moment Cardi starts with, “Yeah you dealin’ with some wet, wet, wet…” instead of, “Yeah, you fuckin’ with some wet ass pussy.” But really what we were all fucking with was a politician’s version of performance: distract, divert and delight without ever actually fully delivering on the promise of something “great.”
