Although Sabrina Carpenter might say she doesn’t want to be proven right on her latest single, “Please Please Please,” the truth of the matter is: of course she does! She’s a Taurus! Not just any Taurus, mind you, but a smack-dab-in-the-middle-of-May kind of Taurus. The most Taurean breed of all in terms of stubbornness, materialism and vanity. Which can work well with a Libra’s (like Barry Keoghan) own pursuits and interests. Unfortunately for Carpenter, Keoghan also happens to be cusping Scorpio (his birthday is October 17th)—another sign that theoretically “works” with Taurus because they’re on opposing sides of the “zodiac wheel.” But the other thing about Scorpios—and Scorpio men in particular—is that they’re notoriously cagey and predisposed to being fuckboys. In short, exhibiting the kind of disloyalty (and manipulative mind games) Taurus can’t abide.
Thus, Carpenter is clearly hoping Keoghan’s “cusp” won’t matter too much in the long run. If there is, in fact, a long run for them at all. Because that which burns brightest at the outset tends to flame out quickly (see also: Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson, or Pete Davidson and anyone). Alas, in typical Taurus fashion, Carpenter has jumped headfirst into the romance, treating Keoghan with the kind of familiarity usually reserved for at least the second year of a relationship. Alas, the duo is barely over halfway into their dating timeline and Carpenter already has Keoghan starring in her music video for a song that is very clearly about him (i.e., “I heard that you’re an actor/So act like a stand-up guy”). The implication being, of course, that she already has the expectation that he’s going to fail her. Worse still for a Taurus, embarrass her. For there’s nothing worse to a Taurus than being publicly humiliated. And where celebrities are concerned, there are few things more publicly humiliating than being broken up with (see: the Justin and Britney breakup of 2002). Not even a sex tape (or whatever the digital version of that phrase is supposed to be). In fact, a leaked sex tape is a boon, not a bane. Especially compared to a famous woman being dumped or cheated on.
With a sex tape, a woman is being presented at her most vulnerable, but, concurrently, her most desirable (except Kim Kardashian). A breakup, in contrast, is all about painting the famous woman who’s been broken up with as “damaged goods,” “day-old bread,” etc. (see also: the Ben being “done” with Jen rumors). So yes, it hits twice as hard for a vanity-driven female Taurus when she’s shamed for all the world to see. To boot, any “motherfucker” with the audacity to ruin her makeup done “so nice” drives an even bigger stake through a Taurus’ image-conscious heart.
With Taurus’ pride and ego as the driving force behind what created this track, Carpenter doesn’t just explore how a breakup would embarrass her (whether that breakup is a result of him arbitrarily doing so or a result of her needing to break up with him to spare herself further embarrassment). She also explores how certain behaviors do as well—this being apparent in the lyrics, “And we could live so happily if no one knows that you’re with me/I’m just kidding, but really (kinda), really, really.” In Keoghan’s case, some of those behaviors include, but are not limited to, heavy drinking (“Whatever devil’s inside you, don’t let him out tonight/I tell them it’s just your culture [Irish] and everyone rolls their eyes”) and a overall need to peacock/gallivant (“Well, I have a fun idea, babe/Maybe just stay inside [the ultimate Taurus homebody desire]/I know you’re cravin’ some fresh air, but the ceiling fan is so nice”).
That Taurus’ standards are already so high to begin with doesn’t bode well for Keoghan’s “humiliating” ways. And perhaps, on some level, Carpenter knows she’s high-maintenance and practically impossible to please (please please) in general, hence paying a major homage to Andie Anderson (Kate Hudson) from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days by wearing a riff on her signature yellow satin dress for her twenty-fifth birthday party—thrown by none other than Keoghan. (Here, too, it should be noted that aesthetics, sartorial or otherwise, are everything to Taurus.) The subtle suggestion being that she knows she can be just as “difficult” when it comes to driving a sig other away with her fastidiousness as that sig other can be in terms of causing embarrassment.
But between “true love” and avoiding being consistently mortified, Taurus will probably always choose the latter. This much is made clear when Carpenter forewarningly concludes, “If you wanna go and be stupid/Don’t do it in front of me/If you don’t wanna cry to my music/Don’t make me hate you prolifically.” In essence, she is just waiting to be proven right (despite insisting, “Please please please/Don’t prove I’m right”) about what she suspected all along about this person: he’s a raging disappointment who can’t live up to her ideal of him. Oh the struggles of being a Taurus committed to upholding perfection, ergo an embarrassment-free existence.
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