Although Adele has been “underground” for quite some time now (doing her whole “I vant to be alone” thing), her recent emergence has assured us all that she hasn’t lost her “girl from Tottenham” ways. Still “cheeky,” “salt of the earth” and all that rot, Adele’s anticipatory interview blitzkrieg for 30 has proven that, although she’s having her Madonna à la Ray of Light moment (just as Halsey recently did), she hasn’t lost her rough-hewn British (with arbitrary moments of Cockney) edges.
Those who were afraid she might go “all LA” after moving to the iconic California town need not fret that her priorities have totally shifted. Even if she admitted to Vogue, “I’ve got fit and ’ealfy. That’s quite LA, I guess.” And it is in this same Vogue article that Adele candidly admits, “It’s not doable for a lot of people.” Working out obsessively, that is. And while many still refuse to believe that Adele “got skinny” solely by putting in the analog exercise effort required to do so (with many convinced she’s been reliant on the Sirtfood diet), that’s precisely the case.
As she explains of her sudden concentrated energy on fitness, “It was because of my anxiety. Working out, I would just feel better. It was never about losing weight, it was always about becoming strong and giving myself as much time every day without my phone. I got quite addicted to it. I work out two or three times a day.”
As most who don’t live the celebrity lifestyle (that is to say, one where time—because of having money—is on one’s side) are aware, even managing to work out just once a day (for, like, say, thirty minutes) is something of a herculean task. And sure, “they” might say the streets are the plebe’s gym, but there ain’t much workout variety on the muscles as a result of hoofing it to and from the workplace (for those who don’t have the “Zoom benefit”) and then being too spent to do anything else but sit and binge-watch on one’s off hours in order to recuperate for the sake of more inane fuckery in the name of “making money” (read: alms).
While most celebrities don’t cop to the fact that working out as a full-time job is what’s truly required for what is now referred to as an “Adele transformation,” the Toast of Tottenham wasn’t going to lie, even if abashed about flaunting yet another major class discrepancy between the rich and the poor (or even just the “average”).
That Adele herself comes from working-class roots perhaps adds to her guilt about the entire thing, ergo her need to come clean with the announcement that, yes, in addition to just about everything else, even being fit is a rich (wo)man’s game.
The interviewer confirms of her workout frequency, “Three times a day?” Adele assents “I do my weights in the morning, then I normally hike or I box in the afternoon, and then I go and do my cardio at night. I was basically unemployed when I was doing it. And I do it with trainers.” That word “unemployed” is a bit of a stretch in many ways. For isn’t being a celebrity so often similar to what broke folk experience during unemployment (a.k.a. “free time”)? Sure, they “work,” especially when the musician lot has to go on a grueling tour, but, by and large, being a celebrity does entail a lot of what most would call “down time.” Just the sort of down time required to get “fit and ’ealfy.” Something that remains an unspoken aspect of the job description of being famous, try as we might to tout “body positivity,” with Lizzo pretty much all alone right now to keep declaring it. But Adele is suddenly wont to remind, “You don’t need to be overweight to be body positive, you can be any shape or size.”
And the shape and size Adele has opted for in her post-divorce days is: thin. Even if it doesn’t adhere to the Kardashian stereotype of “what a Black man wants.” Because yes, Adele, in spite of Carnvial-gate and her cringeworthy African tourism sketch for SNL, is dabbling in the world of Black men and athletes by dating Rich Paul, the sports agent best known for representing LeBron James. Incidentally, Paul was famously photographed next to the thinnest member of the Kardashian-Jenner cabal, Kendall, back in 2019. Adele is on track to contend with that level of thinness at this point, punctuated by a Catherine Deneuve-inspired blowout that highlights the 60s-era French woman trope of sunken-in cheeks for that “heroin chic” effect.
Although another distinct “right” of the rich is access to food that isn’t sodium-laden slop, Adele is sure to set the record straight by saying she hasn’t done the Sirtfood diet with, “Ain’t done that. No intermittent fasting. Nothing. If anything, I eat more than I used to because I work out so hard.” Otherwise known as: the Pamela Anderson effect. Except Adele isn’t gaining the weight that Anderson was while filming Baywatch, managing instead to exude the emaciated aura of her lookalike, Emily Blunt, in The Devil Wears Prada. In short, just the sort of girl who has always been idealized for a Vogue cover.
