One would think that with “the landscape” being what it is that, by now, all forms of racism would be deemed offensive and unacceptable. Saturday Night Live, and the likes of Elon Musk (in his ceaseless bid for “coolness”), however, have decided to continue sanctioning just how “okay” it is to “lampoon” a.k.a. utterly debase Italians. Even if under the brand of “Italian Americans”—the likes of which still linger influentially in the tri-state area.
To that end, the entire point of “writing” a courtroom premise centered on Super Mario Bros. was to build the sketch (about Wario on trial for killing Mario) toward making fun of NY’s disgraced governor, Andrew Cuomo. All while trying to render this form of racism as “passable” by going the “meta” route in concluding the “courtroom drama” with a PSA note about how this was all just a message from the Italian-American Anti-Defamation League. And, more specifically, from “Cuomo” urging people not to judge Italian Americans based on horrible stereotypes. Like being uncontrollably lecherous and underhanded.
Sadly, this is the sketch that will likely go over the best (apart from the “post-quarantine conversations at a party” one), especially among all the other shit piles of the night, which ranged from a clunky parody of Gen Z on Gen Z Hospital to Elon Musk as a cowboy in the Old West—you know, as a “subtle nod” to his takeover of Texas being billed as another example of an Old West territorial brawl while he seeks to buy an entire unincorporated village (Boca Chica) and call it Starbase. Proving, once again, that if you have money, you can make up towns and currency as you see fit.
Playing an inexplicably nefarious and cryptic (crypticurrency?) villain like Wario makes sense for Musk, who was quick to cite having Asperger’s in his monologue as though to immediately endear the audience to him. As though to be able to later say convincingly in his affronting version of an Italian accent, “No, I’m not evil. I’m just misunderstood.” He then adds, “And some of the anti-Italian hatred in this courtroom is disgusting.” Again, please be reminded that all sentences should be imagined with the standard insertion of an “a” in between each word that, for whatever reason, Americans imagine Italians to speak with. Though that’s patently not the case, and it’s unclear when imbuing the race with a speech impediment became the norm for portrayals. The prosecutor responds, “Objection, his accent is really bringing it on himself.” The judge replies, “Sustained. Watch it, Wario.” Cue uncontrollable laughter about how Italian Americans, de facto Italians, bring the offensive portrayals on themselves.
Princess Peach (played by Elon’s “wench,” Grimes) as some combination of Donatella Versace and Lady Gaga trying to impersonate Donatella Versace also doesn’t add much finesse. And the incorporation of a love triangle with her and Luigi involving euphemisms about laying her pipe also create a grotesque portrait of the dumb Italian plumber with a big dick and no brains. Speaking of, enter Pete Davidson, who, with a spotlight on him, announces, “Hi, I’m Governor Cuomo.” Elon reminds, “And I’m Wario.”
“Cuomo” continues, “And we are two misunderstood Italian Americans.” Elon chimes in, “I’m actually Japanese, but okay.” “Cuomo” ignores this technicality, but it’s true, maybe the Japanese really are to blame for perpetuating the wrong impression of Italians by creating Super Mario Bros. “Cuomo” urges, “Please don’t believe the horrible stereotypes you see in Mario Bros. Some of the bad guys are even called goombas.” Kenan Thompson then appears to declare, “And I’m real Mario. Don’t worry about me. Sure I died, but I still have three lives left.” Here “Cuomo” adds, “And hopefully, so do I.” The “ad” then concludes, “This has been a message from the Italian-American Anti-Defamation League.” Though, if anything, Italians need their own anti-defamation league to protect them from the offensive “representation” Italian Americans put out there about them under the guise of being authentic.
The entire thing felt like an overly elaborate way to take a swipe at Cuomo, and, once more, New Yorkers assume anyone outside of New York gives a fuck about their hyper-local melodramas. Here a disgrace of a person is being held as a beacon of “the Italian American” all to give the “green light” for sarcastically tearing apart how you shouldn’t let stereotypes of Italians dictate your opinions of them. Maybe there are those who would say it’s all meant to spotlight how absurd Italian cliches are, but that would be giving SNL too much credit for depth. And too much of an out for the deflection defense.
What SNL, intentionally or not, ended up highlighting with Musk as host is that it seems the only “acceptable” cultures one can make fun of are Europeans (read: “specific whites”) as SNL also saw fit to attack Iceland early on with an Icelandic talk show sponsored by CousinFinder. An app to help you make sure you don’t get too far with the one you’re dating before finding out you’re cousins. It was in this sketch as well that Pete Davidson foreshadowed the Italian American massacring by appearing as Steve Buscemi (who also starred in Davidson’s recent King of Staten Island), while Kate McKinnon played a disinterested Frances McDormand. Inevitably, Björk shows up, introduced as Iceland’s “most and only famous person.” And then there’s the digging mention of those magical elves also referred to in Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga.
Yet Iceland got off easy in comparison to Italy, and it’s not as though Icelandic ribbings are the norm the way it is with Italians. Constantly depicted as members of the mafia, ignorant, pizza-gorging horndogs who can’t stay monogamous or full-stop fat idiots. Oh yeah, or as video game characters who are plumbers. You would think that New York, with its ever-deteriorating cachet—especially in terms of being sellable as a “rich tapestry of cultures”—might want to nurture goodwill with what’s left of its Italians. Though, based on the decimation of Little Italy, that hasn’t been the case for decades and decades.
But making fun of Italians is so easy, they bring it on themselves. Do they? Does being good-natured and inherently jovial in the face of life being toto shit somehow infer they “bring it on themselves”? That’s enough to make you wonder, then, what cantankerous, intolerant pricks invoke. Apparently, their behavior brings them nothing but sunshine, rainbows and money. Not affronting imitations.
Learn to take a joke, they’ll say, clinging desperately to the last people they’re still permitted to racistly degrade. It’s just white Europeans we’re mocking, deal with it. No, vattela a pigliare in culo.
