Hot Centaurs Beware: Shakira and Cardi B Take Aim in Video for “Puntería”

As the first song on Las Mujeres Ya No Lloran to set the tone for Shakira’s twelfth album, “Puntería” is, thematically speaking, in direct contrast to most of the other tracks that appear on the record. Rather than expressing a sense of rage over being betrayed, a thirst for revenge or generally channeling “la loba” energy, this particular song is more about embracing the “ecstasy” of surrendering yourself to Cupid’s arrow. Granted, in the accompanying Dave Meyers-directed video, it’s about surrendering to Shakira’s arrow…if you happen to be a centaur. As Lucien Laviscount (best known, at this moment, for playing Alfie on the mind-numbing Emily in Paris) is in this fantastical scenario. 

Indeed, Shakira’s arrow seems to have worked so effectively on him that rumors they’re dating have swirled since the video’s release (filled with plenty of believable PDA between the two). Such rumors being sent further into overdrive when the pair went out for dinner after her surprise performance in Times Square on March 26th. Alas, just ask Britney Spears how winding up with someone from your music video turns out.

Whoever Shakira “really” ends up with next though, they’ll be hard-pressed to do her as wrong again as Gerard Piqué did now that she has Cardi B in her life (even if only professionally). Joining Shakira “on high” as her right-hand woman in this mythical land that matriarchy seems to rule over. Something that Meyers in his Cukor-esque, “woman’s director” role (further cemented by recently directing Jennifer Lopez’s This Is Me…Now: A Love Story) is able to convey quite well, particularly through the Easter-inspired pastels of the color palette that shine through in every frame. Including not just Shakira and Cardi’s hair tones, but also the moment when Laviscount’s body is dragged back into Shakira’s “love lair,” whereupon she proceeds to sensually wipe away the blood on his chest in full-on “pietà pose” in between sitting on a petal-y flower like a grown-up Anne Geddes baby.

Such whimsical imagery was already established when Shakira descended from the clouds in a bubble (Gilda-style) at the beginning of the video. And it only continues when Laviscount is thrown into what one can presume is some “healing water” (sort of like what happens to Dakota Johnson in Madame Web). In fact, it’s so healing that it gives Laviscount legs (even though he already miraculously has them upon being dragged into the lair), stripping him of his “down below” horse body in favor of something much more…humanly masculine. Cue a riff on the Red Bull ad that goes, “Red Bull gives wiiiiiiings!” in favor of: “Shakira gives you leeeeeeeggggggggs!” Looking rather aroused by the prospect of what having a human lower half can mean for his relationship with Shakira, he approaches her on her flower to, let’s say, worship her like the love goddess she is. 

Cardi B, instead, seems to have her own kink going on, preferring to keep her centaur as he is while brushing his body with a horsebrush and titillating him as she does so. All the while singing, “Tú tienes buena puntería/Sabes por dónde darme, pa que quede rendida/Me ataca onde más duele, tu a mí no me/Pero en tu cama o la mía, todo a mí se me olvida.” Which means, “You have good aim/You know where to hit me, so that I am exhausted/He attacks me where it hurts the most, you don’t hurt me/But in your bed or mine, I forget everything.” 

And maybe Shakira has even forgotten about how much pleasure her latest former centaur was giving her, being that, by the end of the video, she seems to be on the hunt (literally) yet again, wielding her arrow at some other unsuspecting centaur soul (maybe even Camila Cabello, based on her “I LUV IT” video). The others, meanwhile, are huddled in a cluster in one of her little bubbles. Which goes to show, perhaps, that for as “lovey-dovey” as the song might be, it’s actually secretly in keeping with the “big pussy energy” of the rest of the album.