If anyone ever wanted proof that you don’t fuck with a Colombiana woman, Shakira is here to provide it in the form of a new single with DJ Bizarrap. While it has no specific title, other than “Shakira: BZRP Music Sessions #53” or, more unofficially, “Pa’ Tipos Como Tú,” maybe that’s for the best—at least for her ex, Gerard Piqué, who might have ended up getting the song named after him in some fashion or another had Shakira decided to title it right now. For it’s all directed very specifically at him. And while Shakira had two other singles this year that gave plenty of hints about the heartache that resulted from her eleven-year long relationship with Piqué, they were nowhere near this savage.
It all started, innocently enough, with little “hints” already manifest in the drenched-in-sarcasm “Te Felicito” (a.k.a. “I Congratulate You”), released in April 2022. Then came “Monotonía” in October. The latter was part of her ephemeral “sad girl” phase in addressing the betrayal Piqué inflicted by leaving her for a now twenty-three-year-old named Clara Chía. Featuring Ozuna, the video takes place in a supermarket where Shakira, looking as “disheveled” as she’s able to, stoically appears in front of the camera. We then get a close-up shot on her teary eyes as she declares, “It wasn’t your fault, nor mine/It was the monotony’s fault.” The rest of the Jaume de la Iguana-directed (or rather, co-directed…with Shakira) video shows our crestfallen protagonist losing her heart altogether when Ozuna blows it out of her chest with a bazooka. This, to be honest, is far more brutal than what SZA does to her ex in “Kill Bill.” But then, men do tend to be more brutal in general (despite spouting that line about hell having no fury like a woman scorned) so…
In keeping with that inhumaneness, Shakira’s heart is still beating on the ground as she reaches out to pick it back up. The only truly “accusatory” thing she says of Piqué being, “You left me because of your narcissism.” Of course, we all know he really left for the cliché reason so many men do: younger snatch. In any case, Shakira tries to get her heart to the safety of a lockbox without it being further damaged. Unfortunately, it gets stepped on a few more times along the way before she can secure it inside the bank vault and throw away the key. Now that she has, it’s apparent she’s in her full-on beast mode part of the recovery process.
That’s why she’s quick to lead with the soccer-alluding shade, “So much talk of being a champion and when I needed you the most/You gave me the worst version of you.” A version that dips out for a woman half Shakira’s age, hence her mathematical insult, “I’m worth two twenty-two year olds.” Although the video/recording session might be simple in its aesthetics, Shakira does furnish us with the special effect of her eyes glowing like a loba’s when she taunts, “A she wolf like me isn’t for rookies/A she wolf like me isn’t for guys like you.” Those who know Shakira’s music will of course realize she’s referencing her 2009 banger, “She Wolf.” Which Piqué has invoked big time with his behavior.
To mix up some of the visual “monotonía” at the forty-seven-second mark, Shakira offers major “Take On Me” vibes by emulating A-ha’s sketched animation look from said video as she repeats, “Pa’ tipos como tú” before further reminding, “I was out of your league/That’s why you’re with someone just like you.” A direct hit at both of the basic parties involved. In case there was any confusion about why Shakira decided to make this song, she sings, “This is for you to be mortified/To chew and swallow, swallow and chew/I won’t get back with you/Not if you cry/Not even if you beg me.”
Certain to exonerate herself from any culpability with regard to his current lack of favorability among the media, Shakira notes, “It’s not my fault if they criticize you.” After all, the only thing he had to do was not cheat on her. Or at least not make her move to Barcelona where it would end up costing her very literally with the Spanish government, now accusing her of tax fraud and evasion. All because she wanted to be supportive of Piqué’s career…even though not moving to the U.S. was more of a burden on hers. Shakira herself told Elle in the October 2022 issue, “I put my career in second gear and I came to Spain, to support him so he could play football and win titles. And it was a sacrifice of love.” A sacrifice that majorly backfired.
In the same interview, Shakira had stated, “I think that those [breakup] details are somehow too private to share, at least at this very moment—everything is so raw and new. I can only say that I put everything I had into this relationship and my family.” Well, it ain’t too private now, with “Pa’ Tipos Como Tú” garnering over sixty million views within twenty-four hours of its release. What’s more, Shakira even commits the ultimate taboo (especially in Latin culture) by bringing Piqué’s mother into it with the complaint, “You left me with your mom as a neighbor, the press at my door and a debt with the Treasury.” That last reference being to her aforementioned tax debacle with the Spanish government. A debacle that, again, wouldn’t have even come to roost in Shakira’s life were it not for Piqué’s need to live in Barcelona.
It’s all a very far cry from 2017’s “Me Enamoré,” an upbeat love song written about Piqué for the El Dorado album, complete with a video in which he appears at the end, smiling at her with a grin that can now only be described as “Cheshire cat.” But Shakira’s the only feral feline in this latest song, having caught the canary without any abashment. For when a woman is hurt, all she can do is weaponize that pain into anger. Channel it into something productive a.k.a. artistic. It’s the most magical type of alchemy. Hence, Shakira announcing, “You thought you’d hurt me, but you made me stronger.” A line that echoes Christina Aguilera on “Fighter” when she says, “Makes me that much stronger/Makes me work a little bit harder/It makes me that much wiser/So thanks for making me a fighter.” And even the sentiments of Destiny’s Child on “Survivor” are there, namely when Beyoncé defiantly sings, “You thought that I’d be weak without you/But I’m stronger/You thought that I’d be broke without you/But I’m richer/You thought that I’d be sad without you/I laugh harder.”
Shakira delivers a subsequent coup de grâce with, “Women no longer cry/Women get paid.” And this has certainly been an accurate take on the steady commodification of female musicians’ breakups—running the gamut from Taylor Swift to Olivia Rodrigo to Miley Cyrus to Ariana Grande to Lana Del Rey. Shakira was part of the omnipresent trend long before this group, however, with many songs on her first English “crossover” album, Laundry Service, spotlighting the behavior of cads. This is notable on one track in particular, “Objection (Tango).” As though presaging her fate with Piqué, Shakira opens that single with the verse, “It’s not her fault that she’s so irresistible/But all the damage she’s caused isn’t fixable/Every twenty seconds you repeat her name/But when it comes to me you don’t care/If I’m alive or dead.”
But Piqué definitely cares that Shakira’s alive (and kicking) after hearing this track. For she doesn’t relent with the shade when adding the double meaning of, “She’s got the name of a good person, clear…ly (said as “clara…mente”). The word for “clearly” in Spanish being muy convenient for trolling the name of Piqué’s concubine herself. Of course, some would fault Shakira for bringing “the other woman” into it, when it’s the man who led his own dick astray. But Clara Chía was well-aware of Piqué’s status as a “spoken for” man with two children. A so-called “family man.” So no, Shakira is not sparing her either as she spits, “She’s just like you/For guys like you” and “You traded in a Ferrari for a Twingo/You traded in a Rolex for a Casio.”
Shakira further condemns Piqué’s stupidity for having thrown away what could have been a lifetime of love and family for what will likely be a drop in the bucket fling by adding, “So much time at the gym/But maybe work out your brain a bit too.” Alas, the dick always wins when it comes to getting the “workout.” In the end, Shakira seems to decide that maybe she was the one engaging in stupidity by ever thinking that Piqué was on her level, concluding, “That’s what you’ve settled for/Someone just like you.” Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker) once made a similar assessment when she branded Natasha (Bridget Moynahan) as a “simple girl” and not a “Katie girl” (it’s a The Way We Were reference)—this being why Big (Chris Noth) married her instead of sticking with Carrie. Indeed, Shakira is far from the only “complicated” woman to have been thrown over for someone “more manageable” (read: more malleable, therefore usually younger than the man in question). But she might be the only woman (or at least among the few) to have gotten a chance to say her piece on the matter so ferociously.
Fist bumping DJ Bizarrap at the end of the video, it’s Shakira’s equivalent of a mic drop. And if one were in Piqué and Chía’s position, they might reconsider showing their faces in public. At least until the next fire breakup song comes out (isn’t Olivia Rodrigo soon to grace us with another album?). Though it will surely be a challenge to top this one.
