As Taylor Swift continues her Midnights blitzkrieg, a steady release of music videos for the album is par for the promotional course. And after only freshly releasing the Honey, I Blew Up the Kid meets Alice in Wonderland “Anti-Hero,” Swift has wasted no time (“midnights” speaking to the tick of the clock and all) in gracing her audience with yet another visual accompaniment—this time for “Bejeweled.” Which she also wrote and directed… yet again.
Riffing on Cinderella because it’s a tale that automatically gets associated with midnight, Taylor fancies herself the cleaning “house wench” of the narrative, scrubbing the floor as her three stepsisters a.k.a. the Haim sisters, Lady Danielle (wants the ring), Lady Este (wants the title) and Lady Alana (wants the d***), traipse in discussing the impending ball. But Lady Danielle laments that, instead of just showing up and being able to look hot, a talent competition has been incorporated into this year’s festivities.
Taylor, literally down at heel scrubbing puke off the floor, then overhears that the winner gets the keys to her own castle. “Taylorella” perks right up as her descriptive caption reads, “House Wench Taylor (wants the castle).” And we all know Swift loves a good castle reference. For example, on “New Romantics,” she sang, “I could build a castle out of all the bricks they threw at me.” Later, on “Call It What You Want,” she lamented, “My castle crumbled overnight” and “They took the crown, but it’s alright.” Then there was the “kingdom” allusion on the Kanye-shading “Look What You Made Me Do,” wherein she says, “I don’t like your kingdom keys, they once belonged to me.”
It’s clear in “Bejeweled” that she’s determined to take them back, along with her independence, even if being tied to Joe Alwyn with an invisible string somewhat detracts from that. And yes, many believe one of the engagement-oriented Easter eggs (that odious term) Swift has planted in the video comes from the mouth of Laura Dern, who plays her stepmother, saying, “I simply adore a proposal. It’s the single-most defining thing a lady could hope to achieve in her lifetime.”
After her stepmother and stepsisters continue to prattle on about how she can’t go to the ball, dropping in other Swiftian keywords like “exile” and “snake,” Taylorella waits for them to leave before breaking the fourth wall and smiling at the audience. A knowing smirk that infers the “Bejeweled” lyric, “And by the way, I’m goin’ out tonight.” That she is, as Taylorella enters a magically-appearing elevator (of the ilk that reminds the viewer of the one featured in Dua Lipa’s “Levitating” video with DaBaby… before he was briefly cancelled for making homophobic comments) after a stopwatch descends into her hand ticking off seconds beneath the words “exile ends.”
All at once in a bejeweled cape, Taylorella happily enters the elevator and hits the number three button, just one of many hints that have prompted fans to determine she next plans to re-record her third album, Speak Now (not to be confused with Lindsay Lohan’s far more culturally impactful Speak). Taken to a room that looks like something out of a Yayoi Kusama exhibit, it’s filled with nothing but jewels (both on the floor as a pathway and suspended in mid-air) as Taylorella walks across them like Jesus walking on water (and yes, many do view Swift with his level of worship).
Back on the art deco elevator, Taylorella then heads to the fifth floor, where, of all people, Dita Von Teese awaits. Citing her as one of the most iconic performers in an interview with Jimmy Fallon, Swift accordingly lists her as the “Fairy Goddess” in the credits, taking lessons on how to execute her signature “The Martini Glass” performance in a scene that is peak “women supporting women.” Once she apprehends the arcane knowledge of burlesque, Taylorella takes the elevator to the thirteenth floor (yet another number rife with meaning for the chanteuse). This is where the ball awaits, and where she will showcase her newfound talent for the Queen and the Prince.
Against a backdrop of cogs and wheels, Taylorella herself sits on a clock in bejeweled burlesque attire, taking the spotlight at the fête—much to the dismay of her stepsisters. Watching from the sidelines is Pat McGrath as “Queen Pat,” with the caption, “Queen Pat was impressed. Prince Jack [of course, played by none other than Swift’s bitch, Jack Antonoff] was forced to propose to House Wench Taylor.”
Posing next to Prince Jack with her giant key to her very own castle, Taylorella then goes poof as the additional caption needlessly explains, “She ghosted. But kept the castle.” This written as Taylorella, looking more Bridgerton than Cinderella, walks out on the balcony of her new “pad” to witness the sight of dragons breathing fire at the towers. The implication being that the outside world is still trying to tear down her perfect kingdom—or is it that they’re now “on her side” and protecting it? Only time will tell, but knowing the “pratfalls” of being a celebrity, it’s likely the former.
