Timothée Chalamet and Kylie Jenner at the Beyoncé Concert

A headline such as “Timothée Chalamet and Kylie Jenner at the Beyoncé Concert” seems like the stuff of an AI-generated sentence arbitrarily spit out from some other non-related prompt. And yet, the sentence became a reality (whatever that means anymore) on September 4th (no less than Beyoncé’s birthday), at the final Inglewood date of the Renaissance Tour. Although many had speculated that the duo’s “romance” had already fizzled out, it seems they were just biding their time until they could unveil it in a more bombastic official capacity. For it’s no secret that the Kardashian-Jenner clan is known for making the announcement of their “relationships” in a big way (with none of these men ever deterred by how many children the K-Js might already have from previously failed “interludes”). And, considering, Jenner was also joined at the concert by her momager, Kris, and half-sisters, Kim and Khloé, it appears as though the outing is ultimately made for The Kardashians episode fodder. 

This, undoubtedly, isn’t something that would bring much joy to Beyoncé, who has never been known for being all that “chummy” with Kim, whose marriage to Ye obviously didn’t sit well with Jay-Z or Bey, with both skipping their wedding back in 2014. And yet, Kim did manage to make the cut for being invited to Beyoncé’s forty-first birthday last year, so who’s to say that she hasn’t “made peace” with any ill will toward the constantly-seeking-attention “reality” star? Though one can imagine her vexation upon learning that the biggest headline to come out of her birthday show was not the fact that Diana Ross (sort of) sang “Happy Birthday” to Miss Knowles onstage, but that Chalamet and Jenner were rather heavy on the PDA as a means to confirm their “relationship” is still going strong, and now in a public capacity. 

Indeed, even in an article that offered the headline as “Diana Ross Sings Happy Birthday to Beyoncé During Surprise Appearance at Los Angeles Tour Stop,” the topic quickly shifted to the presence of the Kardashians, with Kim’s appearance also stealing some of the spotlight as well. But her “sparkle” was nothing compared to the video footage seen ‘round the world of Chalamet’s displays of affection toward Jenner, some of which were often a bit half-hearted as he actually tried to watch the show and kissed her with his eyes open while Jenner had her back to the stage (how sacrilegious!). The image of Chalamet looking at Beyoncé while kissing Kylie can be interpreted as one would like. One interpretation being that Jenner has already siphoned some of his soul out and he’s growing more dead-eyed and complacent by the day. 

Jenner, whose skin tone is “on-brand” with the blackfishing that all the Kardashians are known for, is a clear step down from one of Chalamet’s first famous girlfriends (and an actual person of color [“POC” sounds too much like “POS”]), Lourdes Leon. A.k.a. Madonna’s daughter a.k.a. Chalamet is probably never going to do better than that, fucking for clout-wise. Yet that hasn’t stopped him from seeming to relish the so-called perks of orbiting the famous-for-being-famous brood. After all, he hasn’t ever gotten half as much publicity for any of the movies he’s starred in, no matter how critically acclaimed most of his performances have been (even if often on the one-note side). Yet it seems a new “era” is on the horizon for Chalamet…one that might be his “flop” period (Wonka does, in truth, look like a harbinger for that). For it’s no secret that there’s something of a Kardashian-Jenner hex upon any man who dares “enter the fold” (pardon the sexual innuendo of that phrase). With Ye being the most overt example of that amid the various Get Out comparisons that were made before he went entirely off the rails. 

Perhaps that’s why Jenner has transitioned to “white meat,” as it were, “taking one for the team” by switching it up from the fam’s usual fetishization of Black men as a means to be able to tell the public, “See? We’re not like Rose Armitage.” Chalamet doesn’t seem to mind that he’s an inevitable pawn in their game called “Social Climbing With Our Pussies.” The more they can infiltrate the world of Legitimate (Low) Art (complete with Kim now starring in a season of AHS), the more people will forget that they have no talent of their own, other than, of course, commodifying their names in new, ever-changing ways. 

And as the two “canoodled” to the tune of “Alien Superstar” (a song choice that’s almost too on the nose for the illuminati theories that abound with regard to any celebrity and their “romantic pairings”), Beyoncé’s extra-sensory “B” feelers could likely intuit the attention being detracted from her performance—and on her birthday! Echoing the effect of Taylor Swift showing up to Jack Antonoff and Margaret Qualley’s wedding festivities, the attention strayed slightly too far from the main attraction for the main attraction’s taste. Worse still, Chalamet, in “indie boy” fashion, smoked cigarettes at the concert like some sort of heathen defying a holy place of worship. 

But of course, Beyoncé is “graceful” and “humble” enough not to be bogged down by such ego-tripping trivialities, n’est-ce pas? At least, that was meant to be the takeaway from her focus on Diana Ross’ “cameo,” running across the stage to embrace her (which was met with typical Ross coldness) and gush, “You are so amazin’—this is the legendary Diana Ross! There would be no me without you and thank you so much for all of your sacrifice and your beauty and your grace. Thank you for opening doors for me.” Because, yes, the ego of every celebrity can’t help but make things about them. Much to Ross’ repressed chagrin. As if women who came before want to be reduced to nothing more than a “stepping stone” for the current “hot thing” (Madonna also knows a bit about being diminished in that way under the guise of being exalted). 

Thus, while Beyoncé might have given the performance of a lifetime, it was all, in the end, mitigated by this “odd couple” taking their “romance” to the proverbial stage as well. With Jenner adding to the “theater” by engaging in her PDA antics right next to where her murdering ex, Travis Scott, was also standing in the “VIP area.”

So it is that point one went to the Kardashians for the ongoing celebrity battle to grab attention (even causing people to let persona non grata Lizzo’s presence go, um, largely unpublicized). Perhaps Beyoncé can get back to being the true spotlight at her upcoming Vancouver (a place with far fewer celebrities bound to materialize) show on September 11th. Except that, well, the date of September 11th is always a spotlight stealer in and of itself. Even so, it’s far less “stealing” than Kylie and Timothée, who are so different that they don’t even have monikers that can be turned into a “clever,” one-unit couple name. Unlike Bey-Z, Jayoncé, etc.