But then, you already knew that, didn’t you? That the current U.S. president is driven by the favor and popularity of celebrities, no matter how tasteless. It was, indeed, the entire basis of The Apprentice. And in his psychotic senility, Trump has only further deferred to the only concept he can fathom: that to be famous is to own power. No one knows that better than Kim Kardashian, who recently contributed to just one of many dystopian images generated from this “presidency.” And, who apparently, now influences major political decisions pertaining to pardons.
In point of fact, Trump has been on something of a pardoning spree–the seeming only action he can remain committed to and passionate about in the political arena–with some of his already very evident-in-pattern choices including Dinesh D’Souza, Joe Arpaio, Scooter Libby and boxer Jack Johnson (no one can ever pardon the singer for the damage he’s caused). As for the latter, it was primarily a result of his friendship with yet another trash celebrity, Sylvester Stallone, that found Trump the right opportunity to gather a meeting of the meatheads and gush about his shitty film taste to Stallone, “Rambo or Rocky–I still don’t know which I like better!” as he went through the pardoning process of Johnson, who “inspired” Stallone’s upcoming Creed II, a movie Trump will inevitably have a private screening of as the perfect way to fall asleep while Kanye-esque “bipolar” ideas on how to wreak havoc run through his head.
When he isn’t being alerted to who should be pardoned by his besties Stallone and Kardashian, he is solely interested in excusing the behavior of misogynist lackeys he feels were unduly smeared by the media, who he thinks deserve a chance at forgiveness only because of how much they were maligned by the “liberal press.” This would seem to indicate that Trump is attempting to set a precedent for his own pardon–which he’s already vehemently stated he has the power to execute (accustomed as he is to such masturbatory behavior)–when the time comes. Though this would infer that Trump is ever going to receive any sort of proper comeuppance with regard to the Russia probes or anything else in his endless list of wrongdoings and illegal activities. It would also have to indicate that Trump was in possession of any capability with regard to masterminding such groundwork–then again, maybe this whole dumb blonde thing really is just an act that he’s put on for so long, he no longer knows how to exude “ruthlessness” as he purportedly did in the 80s. But no, one tends to think that Trump was just miraculously born lucky, under a good sign as opposed to a bad one à la Ferris Bueller (though Jeanie would tend to disagree). Isn’t that always the way with people who shouldn’t be?
One supposes it’s also lucky, then, that Kim Kardashian should happen to read ever so occasionally–even if said reading consists primarily of light think pieces–coming across mic.com’s “The Movement to Free Alice Johnson” and happening to let the cause “speak to her.” And, evidently, it is one that finally spoke to Trump through the KKW lip glossed mouth of Kim. He loves all Kims, after all. Would do just about anything for them. Sees “rocket ships” when he hears the name. So, yeah, fuck it–why not pardon this old woman for her drug-related sins? If Trump was even aware of that being what he was pardoning her for. That he has decided to cross his generally staunch party lines with this particular selection truly speaks volumes to his love and coveting of celebrity. Now all one needs to do is sit back and wait for the Martha Stewart pardon. Even though she was washed with forgiveness by her even stronger than Kate Spade Midwestern following long ago.
